Change is in the Air

Quote of the month:

You are today
where your thoughts have brought you;
you will be tomorrow
where your thoughts take you.
- James Allen

**Please note: this post is out of order. 🤷‍♀️

It it originally from fall of 2008.

Change is in the air….
Change is certainly in the air here in Minnesota. It was 74* one day…then just a few days later, the wind chills were at zero and the flurries were flying! Much of the country either is or already has experienced fall. The changing leaves are a good analogy for emotional changes in our lives..... Looking at what does and does not work for us…and allowing those things that are not serving us to change or to fall away….just as the leaves do.

For the last couple of months we have been talking about becoming aware and identifying those areas of your life that are causing you stress and that you wish to experience differently. Some changes are simple….you acquire new information, integrate it into your understanding…and move on. For example, before a child learns addition, they may say 2+2=22 or 2+2=fish for that matter (my boys went through a time when they thought this was hysterical!) At some point a teacher shows the child 2 pieces of candy, adds 2 more to them. The child counts them and learns that 2+2=4!

Sometimes the changes come simply like the child learning mathematics. It is like you are hearing things you always knew, but had forgotten for a while. When you hear them, they resonate as truth. That information is easy to integrate and implement. The child has little or no fear, identification or emotional attachment to 2+2=22, so it is relatively simple to integrate that information. Change is more challenging when you do have some sort of fear, identification or attachment to what it is that you are trying to change. We discussed identification in more detail in November‘s post. As always, on this blog, my intention will be to keep my suggestions “simple,” understandable and do-able.

It is important to understand that the only person you can really effect lasting change on, is yourself. You might be able to change a situation, or may be able convince someone that they need to change for a while….but in the end, the only person you have any real control over is yourself. That really is the good news as it opens up a world of possibilities to you about how you experience your life!

You know I like to keep it “simple,” so for an example, I am going to use concerns over writing a blog. The same process can be applied to just about any situation that is causing you stress, such as beginning any other new endeavor, changing jobs, dealing with a difficult co-worker or family member, managing your finances, or preparing for the holidays.

The first thing I would suggest is to pause your mental “I-pod/tape” and see what is going on in your head about the situation. What are you telling yourself about the new endeavor? Sometimes these types of things are more difficult to hear. They happen so rapidly and so automatically that it is challenging to slow down to a point that it is discernible. [This is another example of how meditation and awareness can help.]

I use a method that I call
The Why? Process….

• Start asking yourself why? In the example: Why am I hesitant to start a blog? Are you saying things like, “I can’t learn something new,” or “I’m not up to date on technology," or "I am not a good writer.”

• It is useful to be as specific as possible. Ask why? a number of times. It helps to clarify what is really going on. If you say you don't like new things….ask why again? Try to clarify further. Is it because it is unknown? Or is it because it is tiring to learn something new? Or some other reason. The question is….. why is it that way FOR YOU vs. why it might be that way for me. Nearly everyone would agree that new things may be scary and may create stress in your life, but the reasons why it would be considered stressful, would be as numerous as there are people! Continuing the example of the blog, some may think they are not up to date on technology, others may think they don’t have anything to say, or that they are not good with grammar. Other reasons might be that no one will read it, no one cares what they think or that they are not smart enough.

• Continue until you seem to be saying the same answer to each why? Let’s say you get to a point where you say, you are afraid you won’t be successful at the new endeavor and that seems to be a recurring answer.

• The next step is to make a list of all the times your life that you have been successful. (After your why process, you may have a different word (fear) such as smart or won't be liked, or something similar. I use successful as it is a common theme and one that can be adapted to a variety of situations.) I like a written list so you can go back to it. List as many as possible. Have you completed high school or college? Have you moved? Changed jobs? Had sports accomplishments? Other accomplishments or awards at work, school or maybe in a club or an organization? Other personal achievements?… brag on yourself until you can’t think of anything more. No one is listening but you! Everyone has at least a few things that can put on this list. Graduating high school, raising a child, taking a new job, dealing with a challenging situation like an illness or death of a loved one, or other loss such as a divorce, going through a hurricane or other natural disaster, learning something new, such as karate, a new language or playing the trombone. I suspect that once you get started, you may be surprised at how many successful accomplishments you will have on your list.

• Is there one on the list that is similar to the new challenge you are facing now? Is there one that you found particularly challenging...but had success at it anyway? Is there one thing that you feel particular proud of? Is there one that beforehand felt impossible or that you were concerned about your ability to handle it....but did it anyway? Put that into your words!

The bottom line....
Try to remember either one thing that stands out or a generalized feeling from the cumulative effect of all the things on your list.....sit with that feeling for a little while and focus your attention on the positive situations where you have been successful.

Then....
Try to put into your own words what that feels like.

Those are your True Colors!

I'll stop here for now......this next part of the process will be the topic for next month’s blog. Here are some lyrics to the song True Colors,

"I see your true colors shining through....
...so don't be afraid,
to let them show,
your true colors are beautiful,
like a rainbow."

If you would like to hear Cyndi sing it to you.... click here for a link….

To continue reading the next post, click here, for True Colors.

I would love to hear your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future. You may comment at the bottom of the blog in the "comments" section. All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!
Penelope

Picture of the month:

I can do it! Florida, July 2003

The Storyteller

Photo of the Month:

Photo provided by:  Alaska Vintage's Shop

Quote of the month:

Humans spend a lot of time not in the purity 

of the direct experience, 

but most of their time in thinking.... 

until it becomes so habitual that we actually think that 

the thoughts about things are more real than the things themselves.

- Adyashanti

It is great fun to lose ourselves in a good story.  A well written story can transport us to another world where we can experience things we might not otherwise be able to.  The little girl in the image above looks as though she may be imagining a land far far away as her father reads to her. These are not stories I am talking about today.    

The photo above is from my cousin's web site, Alaska Vintage where she has hundreds of authentic original vintage photos like the one above or her other site, www.beckisprout.com where you can find more vintage and other interesting items as well as books and clothing.  I'd appreciate it if you would take a look at her sites! 

What I am writing about today is the "stories" that take us down the path that takes us further from ourselves.... our true selves.  This exercise is borrowed from a spiritual teacher named Adyashanti.  You can visit his web site at http://www.adyashanti.org/ .  I have written in the past about The Voice and The Observer.  This exercise helps us to recognize the voice that as the "storyteller" and move us towards the observer position.  My suggestion is to try to do what the post describes as you go along...... enjoy!  

As we go through our day, we are always taking in the world around us through our senses. You can notice, as we sit here, reading this, that these sense are automatically functioning.  Your ears hear what is around you. Your eyes are taking in the images on your computer screen. Your sense of touch can feel you sitting in a chair or your feet on the floor.  This happens without any effort on your part or without you directing them to do so.  

We learned the senses as little children in school.....

Eyes - seeing

Ears - hearing 

Nose - smelling - there may not be much to smell at the moment, but the sense of smell is still present.

Tongue - tasting may also not be very active right now, but if you were to put something in your mouth, you would taste it without any additional effort on your part.

Skin - touching

When you put your attention on any one of your senses, you discover that they are extraordinarily neutral.  Hearing and our ears simply take sound in.  

It doesn't decide if it is good or bad or right or wrong.  There isn't any judgement or interpretation. There is no preference or commentary.

Just notice it for a moment.... it is a very pure thing.... hearing.... listening.

Notice how it is totally and absolutely effortless. There is a simplicity to it.

You could look at any of your senses in this way. They are always functioning in this way as open receptors.  It is a way to experience this moment in a very direct, pure, and Simple way.

It is NOT until you allow the mind, and thinking, to enter into it at we then assign interpretation, value or judgement to what we are experiencing.   Thinking, however, is very indirect.  It is not taking anything in the way the senses do. It is actually a commentary on what comes in through the senses.... it is like a Storyteller.....  weaving together what comes in through the senses. The mind is telling us if it is good or bad or right or wrong.

Let's experiment with this....

Focus on hearing for just a moment. What do you hear?  I can hear birds outside.  Any sound will do - the sound of the fan on your computer, some music in the back ground, maybe you can hear some yard work going on outside or maybe you can hear the birds like I can.  

Notice how your ears (hearing) take in the sound absolutely purely.  Your ears do not make any judgement of the sound.  

When you bring your mind into it.... your mind adds what you think about the sound of the birds.

First the mind may say "bird" providing a label.

Notice ears don't provide label they just take in the sound.

The mind is the function of thought.... the interpreter.... commentator.... or storyteller. The mind is removed from the direct experience. In reality, the mind only experiences its thoughts about things.

AS the quote above says, "Humans spend a lot of time not in the purity of the direct experience, but most of their time in thinking.... until it becomes so habitual that we actually think that the thoughts about things are more real than the things themselves."  Adyashanti says that we become mesmerized by the storyteller.

Going back to our example of the sound of the bird, one person's experience of the sound of the bird may be quite pleasant while another's may be call it an annoyance - this depends on the story ones mind is telling them.  How you interpret the sound of a bird really is not all that important in the scheme of things, but try applying the ideas in this post to other areas of your life... attempt to step out of the mind, the voice or the storyteller and become the observer as often as possible.  Try to observe what your mind is telling you about what is going on.

As I previously wrote in the Observer post, by making the shift and setting aside the judgments of the voice, it can help to stop creating negativity, suffering or unwanted consequences in your life.  At the very least it can help you live a more pleasant and full experience of life.  

YOU are the observer of the voice.  YOU can choose, if you want, to believe what it is telling your OR consider that it might be making up a story.... or even a purple elephant!  You'll have to read the Observer post to find out what that is all about!  : )   


One last suggestion.... you could just observe the mind and your thoughts without any judgment at all!

As always, you can comment at the link below!  

Until next month, 

Keep it Simple,
Penelope

WHO Cares?!

Old building, Key West

Quotes of the month:

(Couldn't choose just one 

quote this month... 

so there are 4!)

When I accept me 

no one can reject me.

- Iyanla Vanzant

External power is

looking outside yourself for power and 

trying to manipulate and control 

the external world

so that one feels more powerful 

or more comfortable.

- Gary Zukav

Well I know it wasn't you who held me down

Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free

So often times it happens 

that we live our lives in chains and 

we never even know we have the key.

- Eagles from "Already Gone"

People are far too involved in their own lives

to devote a lot of time thinking about what’s going on in yours.

- John Holland

I hate to be the one to tell you this.... but I want you to ask yourself WHO is it - - REALLY - - that cares!!!!  All of those things we spend so much time and energy on worrying about.... that all important question....

What will they think of me?

if I don't wear the right clothes,

drive the right car,

have the right job,

look the right way,

hang out with the right people,

date an attractive person,

cook a good meal,

have influential friends,

have smart kids,

know enough,

have enough,

am smart enough,

am enough,

have paint chipping off my building (as in the photo above....)

this list is really endless....... there are as many possibilities as there are people!

Yes, thankfully, there are those people who are benevolent, kind, caring, .......... sympathetic, empathetic, charitable.... etc. There are some people who care in a nice way. I am not talking about them today!

Think about it for a minute. How much time do YOU really spend thinking about the car, house, clothes, etc.... of other people?

Here is the thing that I would like you take away from this month's post. Yes, this is a bit of an over-generalization, but for the most part.....

People are not all that concerned with you! 

According to the John Holland quote above, people are too involved with their own lives.... their own issues, egos and problems.... to spend a lot of time being concerned with yours! 

Here is an exercise to try....

Think of the last time you may have bought something with the idea of impressing others or had concern over what other people thought about you.  Go through each of the following groups with this experience in mind.  

Group 1  Your close friends and family. These are the people that actually do care about you... but not really about your car or your clothes. For the most part they are happy when you are happy. They are sad when you are sad. That is another over generalization, but the point is that usually these people want to know how you are.... FOR REAL.... and think of what you must be feeling in a situation. These people want the best for you and love you just the way you are! 

So, you don't have to prove anything to Group 1.

Group 2  There is huge group of people you know but are not close to. Acquaintances. Maybe people from work or school. People that you see occasionally and chat to. Think... that list of 400 friends on Facebook.  Think of someone in this group...... think about what car they drive? Do you know what kind of car they drive?  Do you think more or less of them because of the car? 

NO! You don't care, right?  Aren't you too busy with work, family, your to-do list  ....and thinking about your own "stuff" to really care about their car? (If you find yourself saying that you do think about, judge and/or care... continue on, I'll address that below.)

So the point is that their car = whatever you are worried about (whatever you chose for this exercise.) They are too busy thinking about their car, job, significant other or whatever their issue happens to be to be that concerned about your dinner party, your house or your education level.

So, you don't have to prove anything to Group 2.

Group 3  Next is the rest of the world that you don't know.... the man selling produce on the street in Cambodia sure doesn't care if drive a nice car ... and you don't really care how many cabbages or bananas he sells, right? (yes, in an ideal world we do care, but no one person has the time or energy to have concern for every other person, individually, in the world.)

The point is that you don't have to prove anything to him or anyone else in Group 3.


So.......  I have a question for you.....


WHO is left?

If it is not your close friends and family.. and not your acquaintances... and not the rest of the people in the world... then who is left?

Who is the person that you need to prove it to?

Who is it that you are really concerned about?

Who is it that cares if you have the right job or education?

Who is left?

Who did you come up with? 

If you find that you do think about other people and their houses and cars, etc.... here is the key.  You think about it inside of your head, how does that affect them? (We are not talking about groups that form around hate, bigotry and violence here... just average people.) How does a (judgmental) thought inside of your head have any affect on someone outside of your head? I'll go so far as to say it negatively affects you more that it does them! (For additional reading see the post titled Judgments, Tiger Woods... and Anthony Weiner... and Rep. David Wu.... and You!)

So... the other way around..... if they think about you inside of their head.... how can it really affect you? The only way a thought in someone else's head can affect you is if you also buy into that thought and believe it too. In reality if you don't hold that thought in your own head, then you won't care what they think (For additional reading on this topic see the post titled Is the Sky Blue?)  ... so, IN REALITY ... it takes us back to the same place..... 


The only thought that really does matter is the one in YOUR head!

And what about tabloids and entertainment "news" shows? People do seem to have an obsession with stars and the gossip surrounding their lives. I believe that the general rule still applies. Maybe they live vicariously through the shows, like to see that others are worse off or see others get into more trouble than themselves (think Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan) or like to judge others (refer back to the paragraph above or post on judgment.) All of these are basically rooted in how the person feels and thinks about themselves.

What is the common factor in all of the above examples?

YOU!!!!!

All that matters is what YOU think about yourself!!!!!!!!

So if you are feeling not smart enough, not attractive enough, like you are not driving the right car, clothes or home..... the only important thought is the one inside of your head! You are the only one that needs to care!

If you are looking to the world to make yourself feel better about some aspect of your life you are looking for what Gary Zukav refers to in the quote above as external power. When one's sense of self comes from what they do for a living, the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the neighborhood they live in..... that is external power. It is looking outside yourself for power and trying to manipulate and control the external world so that one feels more powerful or more comfortable.

External power can go away - you can lose a job, crash a car or lose your appearance through aging. So if your sense of who you are is tied to that job, that car, or how you look - - - when you lose the job, crash the car or start to get old - - - you won't know who you are. It is also ok to be beautiful, rich, drive a nice car or live in a nice house, the key component is tying your sense of self to those external things... or letting them define who you are.

From an interview with Star Jones, she says that at her heaviest, she tried to disguise her weight by increasing the size of her persona. "The hair, the lashes, the nails," she says. "This is the first time since I've been doing television that I've worn my natural nails, because I'm confident enough to not need big long acrylics." This is a subtle example of external power. Defining who she was and hiding behind hair and nails.

When your sense of who you are comes from inside yourself, that is Authentic Power, according to Gary Zukav. It cannot be lost like a set of keys. Zukav says the creation of authentic power is a process. Once you create it, it can never be taken away from you. Or to put it a different way, in the words of the Eagles above, we are the ones who hold the key!

As always, please leave your comments below by clicking the link below.

Until next month,

Keep it simple!

Penelope

The Magical Mystery....

Photo of the month:

Full Moon, over Pacific, May 2010

Quotes of the month:

....waiting to take you away

waiting to take you away!

-The Beatles


Each one of us has a unique thing to give.... 
which is who we are!
- Tim Freke

In 1967, the Beatles put out the Magical Mystery Tour album/movie. There are several different interpretations of the words and music that I am not going to get into. My Simple question this month is an invitation to have your own Mystery experience..... see if it takes you away!

• Have you ever stopped to think about the actual chances that YOU are HERE on the earth?
• And the chances that YOU are HERE in the FORM and appearance that you are?
• And let me just add that YOU are HERE, NOW, in the days of electricity and the Internet, rather than in the days of Columbus, Julius Caesar or the cavemen?

I'll skip the biology lesson here, but we know that conception is a numbers game. Recently there was a show on the Discovery Channel called, Life before Birth, that goes over this in much more detail. I suggest it, if you are interested more in the specifics. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QFNhTliYCM&feature=relmfu

Biologically, we are set up to perpetuate the human race, but in order for that to happen, nature has set it up so that chance is on its side. The possible combinations of genes are endless. But HERE you and I are, NOW! This is amazing to me!

To illustrate this further, I am going to share my first personal experience with this. I was 10 or 11 and my parents were divorced. I want to stress that neither of my parents spoke negatively to me about each other. This was nearly 40 years ago, before there were TV talk shows about these topics, so I applaud them both and am grateful for them somehow knowing that was important. At any rate, there was one particular time, when my mother must have said something somewhat negative about my father. I do not recall specifically what it was, but I remember saying to her, "If you hadn't married him, you would not have me." She replied with what I know was meant to be reassuring at the time, "I would have had you with someone else." I had had enough biology in school by this time to realize that was NOT true. She may have had a child, but even in my 10 or 11 year old brain, I knew that it would NOT have been ME!

Here is the part that really struck me in that moment.... take a moment to think about this in your own life. Had your mother had a child with someone other than your father......

• Your mother would have had a child and 
• she would not have known the difference....... 
• you are the only one who could know the difference, but 
• that is only because you are here.... you were born. 

You and I can only have this thought because we were born. If our mothers had had a child with someone else, we would not be here and could not be having this thought. Can you think about this in your own life?  What does it make you feel?

Another example, whether you like Oprah or not, one has to admit she has an amazing life. I heard her say that her mother and her father were only together one time. Once! What are the chances that she would be born at all? Let alone in the form and with the drive to succeed that she has? Some of this may be also due to environment and I don't want to turn this into a debate on nature vs. nurture, just Simply another example.

Has either of these examples stirred your own sense of being-ness?

I have one more example for you to watch to think about the mystery of our Universe and our place in it. I encourage you to watch this short video that my son pointed out to me.  I have embedded it here in the post, but if you have trouble viewing it, here is a link..... 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEheh1BH34Q

The message at the end of the video that you are not the center of the Universe is NOT my message here. My Simple suggestion this month is just to watch the video and then "sit with" the enormity of the Universe. Again, think about the chances that we are here at all, flying through space on a rock, in the vast expanse of the Universe??


It is that time of year... the month when I write about gratitude and ask you to think about what you are grateful for in your own lives. This November, I am Simply going to suggest that as we in United States sit down to eat our turkey this week, consider the fact that YOU ARE HERE, NOW! Consider the chances that you are here at all and consider the idea that YOU matter Simply because you were born!  Each of us is unique and each has their own gifts and talents to bring to the world!  I, for one, am grateful for that!

If you would like to contribute to our community Gratitude list, click here....

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=8457770897014195182&postID=9084060711879197024

To read a previous post on gratitude.... click here

http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html

One last suggestion for gratitude will echo something I wrote last month about perfection. Last month I talked about the "glass half full" vs. half empty. Gratitude is similar. If you look at a glass filled half way and picture only the part that you do not have, you will be unhappy. But if you "start from zero" or start from empty and see what you DO have, you will be much more satisfied. 

Again, to echo last month, an important point here is that you will be in physically the same place either way. The only thing that has changed is your perception, perspective or your point of view. It's your choice!

Until next month,

Happy Thanksgiving!

And keep it Simple!

Penelope

Perfect!

Photo of the Month:

Horizon, Gulf of Mexico, December 2007

Quote of the Month:

We are victims of the rules we live by.

-Anonymous 

The quote above was given to me by my good friend, Debbie. This quote suggests something that my mother has said throughout my life..... we tend to place our own limits on ourselves. There are lots of rules we live by... some are useful. We all drive on the same side of the street for example. Can you imagine how chaotic it would be if there wasn't a rule about that?


There are other ideas or beliefs we hold that may not be as useful. They guide our decisions in life and may be limiting us in some way.  Much of what I write on this blog is aimed at looking at things from a different perspective.... or at least considering that there may be more than one way to look at something. During the last several weeks, I've had various conversations with different people about perfection in different areas of their lives.  So that seems an appropriate topic this month.


What is it to be perfect? It is defined in the dictionary as conforming absolutely to an ideal type. It also says entirely without flaws, defects or shortcomings.

Is perfection attainable? It is an ideal. Is it possible to reach an ideal?

Have you ever been by the ocean, as in the photo above?  Or, maybe on a cruise ship? Or driving on a flat area of land? As you move towards the horizon, you get the sense that you are going towards it. In ancient times, when the world was believed to be flat, it was thought one would arrive at the horizon and then fall off. But what really happens? As you approach the horizon, it moves and in reality, one can never reach the horizon. It is somewhat like this with perfection. That as an ideal, it is something that can never be reached.

Some of you who have known me for a long time know that in my former life, my first real job out of college was as an auditor for the IRS... really! I know it doesn't seem to fit, but it's true! It wasn't my favorite job, but I did learn a lot there.

When looking at an issue, say charitable contributions, I would ask to see the taxpayer's receipts to verify the expense claimed on their tax return. Sometimes, the receipts would not exactly match up with the amount claimed, sometimes there wouldn't be enough receipts or sometimes the receipt may not be allowable. (Can you imagine that?) I don't want to turn this into a desertion on tax, but I want to use this example because it applies to what we are going to talk about next.

Most taxpayers wanted me to assume the number on the tax return was accurate and start from there, only subtracting from that a receipt that the taxpayer could not verify.

What my job required me to do was use zero as the starting point and only add to it what the taxpayer could actually verify.

A Simpler way to look at it is the analogy of the glass being half full or the glass being half empty.  One can either choose to see themselves as "half-full" by acknowledging all that they are or "half-empty" compared to some perfect ideal.

So, if one holds a rule or belief that they must be perfect, it is somewhat like starting with the full amount.... or holding the ideal image and then subtracting your "flaws" from it.  That is, comparing yourself to the ideal it and noticing all of the ways where you fall short or considering oneself as "half empty." Generally this type of comparison makes one feel bad about themselves. Feeling bad about oneself often makes people feel less energetic and like they want to do less.

Instead, I suggest that you "start from zero" and add to that all of your positive characteristics. Then look how far you have come. Look at where you are today and compare that to where you were last month, last year or 10 years ago. You may in fact find that you have grown and changed more than you have realized and see the glass as "half full." This type of comparison generally makes one feel good about oneself. Feeling good about oneself often makes people feel more energetic and like they want to do more.

**Important point here - you are in the SAME place no matter which way you decide to look at it. The only thing that changes is your rule.... or your perspective and your state of mind.

If you have trouble looking back or remembering, my Simple suggestion this month would be to write or journal, even if only a few lines once a week or once a month... when you have time. Looking back at this periodically can give you a better perspective on how far you have come. Sometimes even looking back at an old letter or e-mail might do this for you... or even look at your high school yearbook. See what you wrote about then or what you thought was important.

It is important to make a distinction between doing our best and being perfect. As Don Miguel Ruiz suggests in The Four Agreements, "Always do your best." What your best is will change over time and be different under different circumstances. As long as you have done the best that you can, you will have peace of mind.

For another perspective to consider.... in a post called Whole and Complete I suggest that if you can bring yourself Present, here and now, nothing is really missing in this moment.  You may also enjoy, You Can't do it Wrong.

I would love to hear your feedback as well as any comments or questions you may have.  Maybe you have a quote you would like to send for future use! You can do this by clicking the "comments" link below, at the end of each post.  If you prefer, you may also send comments to me directly at penelope@simplyspirituality.com.

Until next month....

Keep it Simple!

Penelope

How to Make a Watch Disappear

Times Square, New York City
June 2009

Quote of the month:
The mind craves for formulations and definitions,

always eager to squeeze reality into a verbal shape.

- Nisargadatta Maharaj

By the end of this month's post….. I will make a watch disappear! You will, then, also be able to make a watch disappear, if you want to! I must give credit to Tim Freke, author of "How Long is Now?" He is the one who taught me!


Going back to August of 2009, we talked about the voice and the ego. We talked about how we learned English, but that of course is only if you were born in the US, England or a few other places. Had we been born in China, we would have learned Chinese. This is how the voice started, how it is formed...but it then continues by each experience life brings our way, in school, our family, the media, church.... or our interactions with others. In our struggle to make sense of the world, our brain categorizes…. our ego makes judgments about what is good and bad, and assumptions about why things are the way they are and why things happen.


This is necessary to function in our world. Look at the picture of the month above, taken on a summer day, in June 2009, in Times Square, New York City. Notice how many people, shops, lights, etc. When one is walking through Times Square, it is not possible to go into each store or every shop.  You cannot eat at every restaurant. It is not possible to say, “Hello” to each person you pass. I recall a study from my Sociology days that found people on a crowded city street do not even make eye contact with each other. It is too much input for the brain to process. 


Our brains must categorize and make assumptions in order for us to function. In doing this everything becomes a concept - an idea - something conceived in the mind. This is something that is basically made up that we have all agreed on together. When we see other living beings that look somewhat similar to us, we have all agreed that we will call them “people,” (unless you are in Spain and then you call them “gente” or in China…. “da zhong,” etc….)  In Times Square, I knew that “people” were passing by me on the street, but I did not know that Joe Smith or Nancy Brown passed by. I might have noticed a color of someone’s clothing as I passed by but I did not notice if I saw a pair of Hollister jeans. I saw “people” wearing “clothing” and passing by “shops.” Aside from someone who might have a photographic memory, this may be a somewhat similar experience for many of us.


Here is a different example of a concept we have all agreed on.  I heard that “Staycation” was added to the dictionary. Who had heard of a “staycation” five years ago? We have all agreed that a vacation spent at home or nearby will now be called a “staycation.” Maybe it is simpler to see with this newer concept and how it is basically something we made up and agreed upon!


So, what does this have to do with the watch? Maybe you can guess by now what I am going say. “Watch” is a concept. Most of us know what a watch is and some of you may be wearing one right now. More and more, people depend on their cell phones for time, but I think most of us have grown up knowing what a “watch” is. If I say I am wearing a wrist “watch,” all of you will know what I mean.


So picture me taking off my watch and holding it up in the air. Then I declare, “I am going to make this watch disappear.” Then as Tim Freke explains, “Actually, I’m going to show you how to make the watch disappear using no more than the power of your imagination.”


Can you see the watch in your mind’s eye?


Ok, now I want you to take a moment and imagine that you don’t come from this culture. Imagine that you have been born in the deepest jungles of Borneo and don’t know anything about Western civilization. Then you inexplicably find yourself here with me standing in front of you, holding something up in front of you.


What do you see now? Do you see a watch? 


You only see "watch" when you know the concept “watch.” If you came from the jungles of Borneo, you’d see whatever you could conceptualize. You might see “leather” or “bracelet” or “round metal object,” but you would not see a “watch.”


We are conscious of what we can conceptualize. If you look around you now, as I am, you will see that you have a concept for everything. I can see “computer”…… “keyboard”…… ”mouse”……. ”cat”……… ”paper”……. Look around where you are now.  What do you see?


We experience this moment through a filter of concepts. We’re living in our ideas. This month, I'd like to make the Simple suggestion that we’re telling ourselves a story, nearly all of the time, about who we are and what life is…. [For further reading on this topic, please see "How Long is Now?" By Tim Freke]


Further, I want to suggest that much of what the ego/voice is telling you is basically made up. Much of this is necessary to function in every day life, but this also can prevent us from truly living fully. I would further suggest that you try to take off the ego/voice glasses and see the world through unfiltered eyes. Tim suggests stepping out of the conceptual mind and entering into a state of "not knowing."


You have probably heard the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This applies, but I am suggesting that we try to take it a bit further than books. Think about all the judgments and assumptions you make every day. Think about people you see at work or in a store. Some you don’t know at all others you know a little. Do you make assumptions about their lives? What they do when they aren’t at work? Or who they might be spending their time with? Or if they might be taking a staycation this year?


It really goes much further than this…. The way we then interact with those people is based on our assumptions. We are not really interacting with them so much as interacting with our idea about who they are. And guess what…. They are interacting with their idea of who you are too. Do the two of you ever really meet?


The ego, the judgments, the voice, the assumptions won’t go away. Elizabeth Lesser says that the ego is a part of us. It’s like having an arm. It is part of being a human being. What I want to suggest here is that hanging out in the observer mode (see blog post from September 2009) allows us to notice when we may be making some of these judgments and realize that there is a lot of made up “stuff” out there. If we can recognize it, it gives us the choice if we want to go along with it, or get to know Nancy Brown for real.


I’d like to suggest that it puts the wonder, the magic, the flavor and the mystery back into life. Try it for yourself and see what you think! See if you can make your own watch disappear!


I would love to hear your feedback as well as any comments or questions you may have.  You can do this in by clicking the “comments” link below, at the end of each post. 


Until next month….
Keep it Simple!
Penelope

Perspective

Photo of the month:

Perspective, Key West, unk.

Quote of the month:

We must get right with ourselves. 

 Once, we do, we will have so much to do, 

we will not have time to keep track of who is wrong.

I'm okay, you're okay, let's get to work.

-Iyanla Vanzant

Today I stopped by a Pennsylvania Dutch Market. Being half Pennsylvania Dutch, I find it somewhat difficult to pass by these markets! My family tells me that there were both "plain" and "fancy" Pennsylvania Dutch and we were of the fancy variety, so we used electricity and did not use horse and buggies!

Today, there was a pig roast going on and I decided to try the pork. There was a man standing in line behind me and he ordered a container of pork. When he got to the end to pay, he said that he wanted BBQ sauce. The women working the stand offered him a container of sauce. He said that he wanted the sauce on the pork. The women said that it did not come that way and repeated their offer to provide a container of sauce separately. He started to become angry and loudly said, "Yes! It does come that way!" 

Amish women

At this point I felt a bit compelled to stay behind and defend the women if need be. The women looked a bit stunned, but it turned out that they did not need defending. One of them stepped up to explain, politely, that if he wanted to purchase a pre-made sandwich, they would put the BBQ sauce on if he wanted it that way, but if he bought bulk pork he would have to purchase the sauce separately. She went on to say that they had to buy the sauce and that it was very expensive for them so they had to charge extra for it. He eventually left without the sauce, but he was unwilling to consider that in this particular store, he might not know how they do things. It was his loss as the sauce, as well as the plain pork, was quite tasty!!!!!

Two things caught my attention. First, that the woman had stood up for herself... and did not need anyone else to defend her (I was privately very proud of her!) and secondly, that the man could not see that he had a different frame of reference... point of view... or perspective! Perspective used in the photo of the month above, makes the sun appear small enough to hold in ones hands.  It all depends on how one views things... from what angle or point of reference.  Somewhere, in some store or restaurant he was right. In this particular situation, they had a different method of preparation and a different frame of reference.

I have written about different perspectives in October of 2008 in a post titled, The Whole Elephant, which talks about the story of the blind men and the elephant. This seemed like a good opportunity to address it again.

This month, I want to suggest - - or challenge you - - to try to view things from a different point of view. I have no doubt that there will be opportunities in every day life! I am not suggesting that you change your opinion, simply consider that there may be another way to look at something. Easy examples are seen every day on the news and in politics. Closer to home, you may have a disagreement with a co-worker, boss, spouse, child or friend.

When one of these examples crosses your path -

First - close your eyes and take a deep breath. Go deep inside and silently ask - "Am I right?" You will get a sense of yes or no - right or wrong.

Next, if you feel that your position is "right," next ask yourself if you can consider that there might be another "right" position?

If so, either ask the other person to explain their perspective or research what it might be. For example, the man could have considered that the Pennsylvania Dutch may eat the pork without any sauce at all and simply provide it as a service to those that prefer it that way. Just because he had not previously seen it that way, did not make it wrong. There was the additional issue of cost as explained by the women. I don't know all the details.... but these are all things worth considering. Both positions are probably "right," given the proper context.

If you still feel that you are "right," ask yourself, "What will I accomplish by trying to prove that I am right?" Everyone likes to be "right," but consider that for you to be right you might have to make someone else "wrong." Remember, you do NOT want to feel "wrong." So, is it really in your best interest to prove your spouse, your children, or even you boss or co-workers are "wrong." Do you want them to feel "wrong?" In some situations, it may be warranted, but my suggestion this month is that often, the only thing benefiting from your being "right" is a boost to your ego.... with a corresponding dent to the ego of someone else.  Ask yourself, "Do I really want my children to feel "wrong?" or "Do I really need to be so 'right' that someone else feels "wrong" or "badly?"

Finally, even if you feel you are "right" and you feel you are justified, ask if being "right" will further your cause and really get you what you want. For example, if your overall goal is a peaceful harmonious relationship - even if you are "right" and you are ok with making someone else "wrong" .... in the end, will it really get you what you want?

I cannot answer these questions for you... but they might be questions worth considering.   As always, I would love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

Until next month,

Keep it simple!
Penelope

Life as a Marathon

Photo of the Month

March 2001, Calle Ocho 5k, Miami

Quote of the month:

A journey of a thousand miles 

begins with a single step.

- Lao-tzu

Usually I like to use beautiful or inspiring photos as the photo of the month. This one may not be beautiful, but hopefully by the end of this post, it will be inspiring. I am using this photo this month because it is me, crossing the finish of my first run. It wasn't pretty.... but I completed the race. Thank you to my friend, Israel, for taking this photo of me back in 2001! I am just to the left of the orange cone wearing a white t-shirt. After this came other runs and longer runs.... but this was the first!

Although I had done some running when I was younger, it was never more than a few miles at a time. During a difficult and challenging time in my life, I took up long distance running, starting with a few 5k's, then a 7 mile and then a half marathon. The running became a metaphor for my life.... in that I could not always see the finish line, but I could always take one more step. All I needed to focus my attention on, was the step I was taking right here, right now, and trust that the finish line was still out there..... I couldn't see it and certainly did not know what it would look like.... but I knew that it was there.... at about mile 11 of the half marathon... that became really important!! 

I'll share with you what I learned.... see if any of it might apply to challenges you might face in your own life!


Life is like a marathon!

1 - There may come a time that we decide to do, or have to do something we never thought we would do.... or could do.

I never thought I could run 13.1 miles without stopping! That's for sure! I also never thought I would move across the country one time.... let alone 3 times in 5 1/2 years! Now, I've done both!

The lesson here - Don't decide you cannot do something until you at least try!  

2 - You may not be able to see the finish line but you can always take one more step.

As the quote above says, the journey starts with a single step. In a run, it begins with the crack of the gun going off to signal the start of the race. An average person takes 2000 steps/mile - so that would be  at least 6200 steps for a 5k!

With a long distance move, there are a lot of steps - showing the house, selling the house, inspections, repairs, signing papers, packing boxes, saying goodbye to dear friends, driving across country with kids and crying cats, buying a house, signing more papers, more inspections, unpacking boxes, changing the car registration, first day at a new school/job, setting up new doctors..... and on and on.... whew... I am getting tired all over again just thinking about it. Looking at all of these steps together may seem overwhelming. Piled on top of each other, it seems like a mountain. It seem insurmountable. Much as the finish line seems VERY far away in a marathon (or half marathon.) Breaking things down into bite size pieces makes them more manageable.

Once you get started, there may come times when you feel like you may not be able to make it to the end. This happened both in life and in running - but I could always take one more step. At step 5124, all you need to do is take step 5125! Don't think about the distance remaining!

The lesson here - As the quote above says, even something that seems insurmountable cannot be completed without starting! No matter how long and complicated an endeavor may be, simply start with the first step and keep taking whatever step you are on.... which leads to #3. 

3 - Be Present in the step you are taking - only this step.

I have written before about being Present or Mindful. In Taking Stock/Mindfulness, from July 2009, I wrote, being mindful simply means that we are paying attention. I used the example of a tight rope walker and how when walking on a high wire, one's attention can be no where else. The walker's full attention is on the step they are taking at that moment, the placement of the foot and where the weight is placed in the foot. In running, I focused on my foot hitting the pavement and stretching my leg for the next step. In moving - I knew I was getting too far ahead of myself when I started to get anxious about what teachers the kids might have or would there be a Target nearby? I knew it was time to bring my attention back to where I currently was.

The lesson here - I suggest Presence as often as possible in all aspects of life, challenge or not! 

4 - Even though you can't see the finish line - that is ok - Trust that it is out there.

At the beginning of a 13 mile run, the finish line is no where in sight, nor at the beginning of 1063 mile drive or the packing of the first box. It is natural to want to see it... but accept that you cannot.  Trust! Trust! Trust!  Even if things do not go as planned, Trust that you will find a way to fix it or work it out.  There are very few things in life that cannot be fixed.  

The lesson here - It is ok not to know how everything will turn out! Things usually do work out. I often ask.... "What is the alternative? That they won't work out?"  Usually not!

As always, I would love to hear your comments in the section below.

Until next month....

Keep it simple!
Penelope