Photo of the Month
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| Ringling Grounds, August 2015 |
Surprise!!! It's been a while! A LONG while!
Some of the following information is from the website:
Don Miguel Ruiz is the author of The Four Agreements. He is from the
Toltec tradition, which is a ancient group of scientists and artists, formed to
explore and preserve the practices and spiritual knowledge of their ancestors.
It is not a religion, but a way of life.... simple, but profound. The practice
of the The Four Agreements can help to create love, happiness and most
importantly (for me) the experience of personal freedom!
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be impeccable with your word:
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak
against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of the word in the
direction of truth and love.
2. Don't take anything personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a
projection of their own reality or what the author calls their own "dream."
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the
victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't make assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings,
sadness and drama. Remember, that just as others do not know what you are thinking, you also do not know what they are thinking. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform
your life.
4. Always do your best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different
when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your
best, and you will avoid self-judgment and regret.
Each of these could be a post in and of themselves, but today I will focus on Agreements #2 and #3. These two go together well and
have helped me countless times in my life, especially when it comes to the
actions of others. We often make assumptions about what other people
are thinking - - and then we take these assumptions personally.
Starting with #3 - Don't make assumptions
We assume first, THAT other people are thinking about us and second, we
assume WHAT other people are thinking about us! We often assume that everyone
sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think and feel the way we feel.
The TRUTH is that most of the time other people are not thinking about us
at all. Most of the time, most people are thinking about themselves.
Freedom comes from understanding this.
Suggestions:
- Be aware of unconscious assumptions - Assumptions are made so fast and
unconsciously most of the time that we don't even realize we are doing
it.
- Discern the Truth - We make an assumptions, next we we
believe that it is the Truth.
- Assume Nothing - We often assume that others know what we think and we don't have to say what we want. We assume
they are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don't, we feel hurt. Try to remember that just as others do not know what you are thinking.... you also do not know what they are thinking.
How does this apply to daily life?
Let's use a simple example... a friend says they will meet you for lunch. That morning the friend texts you to say that they cannot make it... but does not give you a reason. This is the second time this has happened with this particular friend, so you begin to feel annoyed. What is going on? Why is this person canceling - - again? And last minute!
What are you thinking? What are you assuming? Do you think the person is trying to get out of being with you? Do you think the person just doesn't like you? What else? You are probably able to add a few others.
Let's use a simple example... a friend says they will meet you for lunch. That morning the friend texts you to say that they cannot make it... but does not give you a reason. This is the second time this has happened with this particular friend, so you begin to feel annoyed. What is going on? Why is this person canceling - - again? And last minute!
What are you thinking? What are you assuming? Do you think the person is trying to get out of being with you? Do you think the person just doesn't like you? What else? You are probably able to add a few others.
Let's move on....
#2 - Don't take anything personally
My suggestion is to pretty much disregard the opinions of
others. Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don't take it personally.
Other people are going to have their own opinion according to their upbringing
and their belief system. Whatever they think about you is NOT about YOU. It is
about THEM! If someone says, "I like your blue dress." That doesn't say
anything about you. It could say that they like the color blue or that they
like that style of clothing.... or that they are trying to be nice today! (Or
any number of other things... but I don't want to make assumptions.) Just know
that it does not have anything to do with you.
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| I have seen this quote attributed to:Wayne Dyer Anthony Hopkins and Michael J. Fox. So I am not sure who said it initially... but it was so good that many have repeated it! |
Suggestions:
- Everyone lives in their own "dream" as the author calls it - They are in
their own mind... and that can be a completely different world from the one that
you live in.
- Be immune to others' opinions - what others say and do is a projection of
their own reality, their lives (or their "dream" as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it.)
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the
victim of needless suffering.
Let's go back to our example of the friend canceling lunch. What happens
after you make the assumption that your friend doesn't like you? You take it
personally! You start to question why doesn't your friend like you.... and ask what is wrong with you? What happens next..?
You start to feel bad.
You start to feel bad.
Whenever you see yourself doing any of the above...
- Simply STOP and remind yourself that most of the time people are not
thinking about you, they are thinking about themselves.
- It's ok to ask questions if you need to. It is always better to ask
questions than to make assumptions. Once you hear the answer to a question, you
won't have to make assumptions because you will know the truth.
- Relinquish our own self importance. When we take things personally, we are thinking of ourselves as so important that the other
person is also thinking about us. This is an expression of selfishness because
we make the assumption that everything is all about "me!"
As always, there is the need to clarify. If someone is offering an opinion to you, I am not suggesting that you be rude or unkind to anyone. It is ok to listen and hear them. It's just it is not necessary to accept their opinions as Truth.
Let's revisit our example one more time. You run into your friend the next
day. She tells you that her grandmother has not been well. She has come to stay with
her and she was not able to be alone. Your friend asks if next time maybe you
could get take out and come by the house because she has been very tired from care-taking! Was she thinking about you at all? Of course there are
nearly infinite explanations.... Even if your friend eventually
says something like they don't really see the friendship going anywhere, that is
ok too! It is a gift of honesty. Love and respect yourself. You are never
responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for you. If
someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk
away from you. You may hurt for a while, but your heart will heal, eventually...
and their decision is still about them! Not you!
Until next month,
Keep it simple!
Penelope
