I Got a Worm for my Birthday

Quote of the month:

Nobody likes me,

everybody hates me,

guess I'll go eat worms....

- unknown, childhood rhyme

How many of us sang that song when we were kids?  The idea behind it is someone is feeling sorry for themselves, making up a story in their heads and feeling so bad that they think they will go eat a worm!  I had just such a day.... read on......

I woke up on my 46th birthday, walked across the carpet and stepped on a worm.  Yes.... a worm.  I do not know how the worm got into my bedroom, but - it was there - and I don't think it was there to wish me a happy birthday!  I also understand that this was a much worse day for the worm.... I apologized to the worm.... but this is a post about MY 46th birthday, so back to our story!  

A little background.... I have long held out 45 as the middle of life - assuming one makes it to around 90-ish or so.  That meant that I am now in the second half of life.  For those of you that might argue, it really should have started the day I turned 45, rather than the day I turned 46, this is my illusion and my story... so I can make it up any way I want to!!!  ; )  

Call it a mini-mid-life crisis or whatever you want to .....  In reality, no one really knows when the "middle" of their life will be, so of course this is just fiction my mind made up to begin with.  In my half awake - half asleep state, my first thought on my birthday was, I just started the second half of my life by stepping on a worm.  Oh, aren't we off to a good start.... on both my birthday AND on the second half of my life (please note sarcasm if it is not apparent in the text!)  So here I am at 46 yrs old, determining, today, what my life will be in another 45 years AND that it is all down hill from here!
   

I am sure it is obvious to all of you just how ridicules I am being - but it is a good way to illustrate how we do things like this EVERY day and maybe you will see how you do this in your own life too.

Ok, so let's slow this whole process waaaaay dooooown!

What is going on? What is the feeling?

I am feeling down/sad/detected that the entire rest of my life is basically going to be bad! 

Behind every feeling is a thought that came first

It helps to remember that thoughts are inside OUR head, so we have complete control over it.  Sometimes it does not FEEL like we do because our thoughts are so closely connected with our feelings.  It seems like they happen at the same time... but..... (and here is the good news!!!!)  The thought ALWAYS comes first.  The feeling can become a signal to SLOW DOWN and back up a little bit....take a look at the thought that created it.

What was the thought? 

Something along the lines of today is the first day of the rest of my life and since I stepped on a worm, this obviously signifies something very bad about the rest of my life.


Un-Velcro

Next - I have come to like the term "un-Velcro" to explain the way this process feels for me.  It is like pulling apart the feeling and the thought in one's mind the way one would pull Velcro apart

TAKE A BREATH! 
Put some space between the thought and the feeling.

Take 2 breaths... or 10 breaths if need be.... until you realize that it is 2 separate parts.

So, let's look at the thought - the part that started it all. 

Ask yourself questions like the following:  

(For further reading, it is similar to a process used by Byron Katie Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.)   

Is it true?  Is the thought accurate or is it just a story you are making up?

Actually in this case, we can just stop right here, because the obvious answer is NO, it is not true!

It is true that I stepped on a worm.  It is true that it is my 46th birthday.  Those are the factual parts. (For further reading about "Just the Facts", click here)  It is not true that the worm holds any particular, specific meaning. 

Let's say we answer the first question, "Yes, it is true."  Even if it is accurate, there may be another way to look at it.  Are you seeing the whole elephant?  (For further reading on this subject, click here. )


What else could it mean?

In my case, what if I decided that the worm could signify good luck?  Or does the worm not mean anything at all other than that I have to clean up worm guts from my carpet?  You get the idea!  Usually there is some other way to look at a situation. 

Finally, even if you cannot find another way to look at it, ask:

Is it serving (helping) you to think this thought? 

If the answer is no, then my suggestion is to make the choice to let it go the best you can.  I do know this is not always easy....  If you can't let it go, at least repeat to yourself, "This thought does not serve me, but I am making a choice not to let it go right now."  At least that will help to see it as a choice.

So - now that I've had time to think about that poor little worm that some how ended up in the wrong place this morning....  my choice is to thank the worm for one of the best birthday gifts I ever got..... 

The gift of seeing that things happen, they will continue to happen.... beyond that I can choose how I wish view them or choose to assign them no meaning at all. 

....and I choose to see that as a very excellent start to the second half of my life! 


As always, I would love to hear your feedback or questions. You may submit them by clicking on the "comments" link at the end of the post.


To read last month's post, Are you Breathing?  ..... click here.

Until next month...
Keep it simple!
Penelope

True Colors

Quote of the month:

I see your true colors shining through…
…so don't be afraid, to let them show,

your true colors are beautiful,like a rainbow.

-Cyndi Lauper

Your true colors...are beautiful like a rainbow! Last month, we talked about making a list of characteristics, successes or accomplishments, sitting with that for a while and then trying to put that feeling into your own words. I call this your true colors phrase. You may have several true colors phrases, one for each particular area of your life that you wish to experience differently. To keep it simple, I suggest working with one at a time. It is also generally easier to begin with an area of your life that is not your biggest challenge.

Here are some more suggestions for coming up with a true colors phrase.

It must be TRUE!

You may say that this sounds similar to coming up with a mantra or affirmation. Mantras are fine too, if they work for you, but there are several ways that this is different from a mantra. Often, a mantra is not a true statement, but rather the way you want something to be. Repeating over and over that the sky is green will not make it so. In our example from last month about a new endeavor, the subconscious is still there telling you what it really thinks. You are trying to say, I can write a blog....and it is there in the background calling you a liar! You will hear underneath your voice, your subconscious saying, "No you can't!!!" This is what you will really hear on an emotional level. Last month the suggestion was to make a list of REAL positive situations where you have been successful. It is real information that the subconscious cannot argue with.

The true colors phrase should be short and concise. Try to boil it down to a few words. Something that you can easily remember and repeat when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts.

Another difference is that a true colors phrase is designed to bring up a specific feeling. It will bring up the FEELING of the successes or accomplishments over again and the subconscious will be better able to believe it. It is important to note here, that you may not get to the feeling part immediately. Feelings actually start as a thought in your head. We don't realize this, as the process becomes so automatic, but if you can slow it down (meditation helps!) you see that the thought comes first, which then creates the feeling.

Some of you have told me either that the true colors phase does not bring up a good feeling or that your mind is still in there telling you that you are a "liar" even on the real accomplishments. This is where the use of your will comes in. Facts are facts. The mind cannot argue with facts. If this is the case, start with reminding yourself each time the mind wants to tell you that it is not enough or still not good enough. (You can also re-read September's post on Your Thoughts Create Your Reality, or "just the facts" on not making judgements about each and every thought that comes through your mind.) Then, allow yourself to own your accomplishments. It may take some time and repetition, but over time, you will re-train your mind. You can think of it almost like reprogramming a computer....except that we are not machines and require multiple efforts to "reprogram."

Gary Zukav says the longest distance you will ever travel is from your head to your heart! Getting a thought from your head to a feeling in your heart may take time. Your "heart" (the feeling) has been listening to that other criticizing part for so long that says it's not enough...so that is what your heart may currently be "believing" (in the form of a feeling also.) Repetition is key for this also!

Probably by this time, if you have been following along every month, it is becoming apparent, that when you become aware of your I-pod/tape chatter saying something negative .....it then becomes a matter of repeatedly replacing the old thought with the new thought...the true colors phrase. To continue the I-pod/tape metaphor….it is like going back and recording a new song on the tape or synching your I-pod with a new play list. In both cases, you are replacing the old information with new. As mentioned above, we are not computers or machines and it generally cannot be accomplished with just one time….but each time you become aware, challenge the thought and replace it with a new one, the new thought becomes stronger.

Please understand the personal power this simple technique can give you…. Even if it is something you have believed or been told your whole life. I try to keep these posts light and simple, but there are some very powerful applications for this simple technique. Think of a child that fails a test or class....and the beliefs that child could adopt as a result. Think of a person who is fired from a job and the thoughts and beliefs that could result.... or a child who has experienced abuse or has been picked on or bullied... he or she may develop certain thoughts and beliefs about themselves, or thoughts about why the abuse or bullying occurred. Very often people attribute the cause to something about themselves...a flaw of some sort....or it could lead to a powerless feeling....or any number of different feelings or coping mechanisms. Again, there may be as many different ways of coping as their are people and situations.

Any one of those thoughts may be enough to make some one want to give up. I am simply suggesting that there may be other ways to look at each of those challenges….especially if they are creating negative feelings for you or consequences you are not happy with. If you find yourself saying, "But that really is a terrible thing that happened to me!" I would suggest to go back to the why process. You may have old coping mechanisms that are no longer serving you. I would also suggest that losing yourself in the "terrible-ness" of it will not help you find a new job, pass the next test or deal with the next bully. But drawing on your accomplishments, successes and achievements by using your true colors phrase may! It may help you change a long term belief system into a new way of looking at life. It may change the way you experience a challenging situation and may help you relieve some of the stress in your life.

The true colors phrase is (real, true) information in the form of a thought in your head that works its way into a feeling in your heart. Once it reaches the feeling stage, it is more likely to become your new way of viewing that particular circumstance. I personally know that this process can work and can change the way you experience your life.

The picture of the month this month is not mine. When I started writing this particular topic a few months ago, I was looking for a picture of a rainbow to represent "true colors" and "beautiful like a rainbow." I do not have my own picture of a rainbow, so I searched on line for one. Nothing stood out. At the same time, I went to read my niece's blog, The Mommy Writer. (This is also listed on the right side of my blog page under "My Blogs List.") THAT DAY, when I was looking for a picture of a rainbow, she had, ironically, just posted a picture of a rainbow on her blog....so it seemed appropriate to use that picture. Here is the link to that picture and it is posted below as well.

To continue reading next month's post on What is Spirituality? click here.

I would love to hear your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future. You may comment at the bottom at the blog where it says "comments."

All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at: Simply Spirituality or http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!

Penelope

Picture of the month:

Beautiful like a Rainbow

The Whole Elephant

October 2008

Quote of the Month

We are disturbed not by what happens to us,
but by our thoughts about what happens.
- Epictetus

The last of the human freedoms is

to choose one's attitude
in any given set of circumstances.- Victor Frankl

The Epcot Ball, aka Spaceship Earth, looks a little bit different from underneath than the typical postcard shot we are used to seeing, doesn't it? So why did I take this particular view? And why did I ask you to look at it in the above question of the month?

In August, we talked about becoming aware of the I-pod/CD/tape that constantly plays in our heads. In September, we talked about becoming aware of the content on the I-pod and the judgments we make about the content. This month, I want to take this idea one step further and suggest that the way you experience your world and your life is really all in how you look at things. It is in your perspective. To take that a step further, if you are not happy with an aspect of your life, you are capable of changing that perspective. The difference from last month is somewhat subtle…but what I wanted to stress last month is to become aware of the judgments we make…and this month to become aware that you have the ability to change those judgments, if you so choose.

I am, of course, not talking about lying or being dishonest with yourself. But there typically is more than one accurate way to look at things. To illustrate this…consider a story many of us have probably heard before. That of The Blind Men and the Elephant. 


The story goes, that several blind men were describing an elephant based on the part of the elephant they were able to touch. The one standing by the tail described the elephant as rope. The one by the trunk had a very different perspective and described it as a branch….the ear felt like a fan, the body like a wall…and so on…. 

Each was limited in their perception by the part of the elephant they could touch. In addition, each of them felt they were right. They began to fight and defend their perspective until a wise man passed by. He pointed out that each of them was “right” in their description, but limited. They learned that other perspectives could be just as “right” as their own. Only by being willing to listen to the other points of view and sharing their own view, could they all grasp the totality of the elephant.


So far, we have primarily talked about things like weather and traffic. It becomes an even more powerful technique when you stretch a little bit to consider situations in your life and people around you. The “elephant” in the above situation could be your boss, the kids, the political system, the election, your ex-boyfriend, any thing else in your life that is causing you stress.


If you wish to give this a try, pause the I-pod/CD/tape in your head, become aware of the content of the I-pod….. My suggestion (as always) would be to start with something small....something that doesn't really bother you too much in order to practice.

• Think about what you are telling yourself about the situation or issue.
• Notice how you label it? Good? Bad? Terrible? Horrible? Catastrophic? (this is the “story” you make up or the part that comes after the comma from last month.)
• Notice how thinking those things makes you feel.

Next…..here are some new things to consider…..

• Ask yourself, “Is this the way I want to experience my life?” (If you are happy with your experience of this situation, then try again later with a different situation. I am relatively certain that everyone can think of at least one thing to which this might apply!)
• Do I believe that changing this is within my control?
• Do I want to give up my peace of mind to external factors such as the weather, traffic, other people or external situations?
• Ask yourself if your judgment of the situation is really true and complete? Are you seeing the whole elephant?
• If you are certain that it is true, ask if it is serving you? If it is not, make a conscious effort not to put your attention on it. (More on that in a later post!)
• Ask yourself if you can change your perspective. That might mean looking at something from a different angle, broadening your view of the situation or considering someone else's perspective.…like the men and the elephant….or looking at the EPCOT ball from a different angle.

Now for some real life examples:
I’ll start with myself….. As many of you know, I used to work in the tax department of a bank. Each year, April 15 was a huge, overwhelming deadline. Supervising preparation, and making sure all the returns got either filed or extended was not always fun……..I used to feel that it wasn't possible to get all the work finished in time for the deadline…..Hhhmmm….am I making up any stories here? Do you think those judgments are making me feel particularly good? Is this the way I want to experience my life? (About now, those of you who know me may be about to say obviously not, and point out that I no longer work there…….but I did for 6 tax seasons…..so back to our story…)

I could choose to get lost in the negative feelings of being overwhelmed...but I would STILL have to make sure all the returns were accounted for. Instead, I stepped back and looked at the whole elephant....and began to view it as more of challenge than an obstacle. I became exhilarated and energized by the work and never missed a deadline in the six years I was there. Yes, I did eventually choose to leave, but the shift in perspective made the time while I was there much more palatable.

Another example:When I was a child, my grandparents had a plaque in their kitchen that had a Native American saying on it. It read, "May you never judge another person until you've walked a mile in their moccasins." This is true even when someone is short with you, rude or impatient. Generally their actions have very little to do with you and a lot more to do with what is going on in their lives. The person who wrote this realized that there is more to the elephant than just the part they could touch.

Finally, one more…..from the world of politics….I am intentionally leaving the name off as this example isn't being used to promote any particular candidate or political position….but simply asking both sides to consider other positions.

One of the candidates, said the following about gun control, “We might not agree on gun control, but we can agree that automatic weapons should not be in the hands of juvenile gang members…..”

Not just gun control, (comma) is a good thing or gun control, (comma) is a bad thing like we talked about last month. This candidate offered a third option….of keeping guns out of the hands of gang members. That's a broader perspective!

For one more photo on perspective, please take a look at the picture of the month shown below. Any idea about where this might be?  It is from the perspective of looking down from the top at a very good friend of mine!  It will tell you where in the caption. Next month, we'll talk more about the actual process of changing a thought or a judgment, but until then.... remember to check out the whole elephant or change the perspective on the EPCOT ball in your own life!

I would love to hear about the "elephants" in your life! Please submit your feedback, as well as any questions you may have, or topics you may be interested in for the future, to the blog under the comments section below. 

All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

To continue reading the next post, Meditation 2, click here.
Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!
Penelope

Photo of the month

Lighthouse at Ponce de Leon Inlet, FL, August 2003

Just the Facts.... or Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

September 2008

Quote of the month:
The only thing we are ever dealing with is a thought
and a thought can be changed.
- Louise L. Hay

"Just the facts, ma'am! Just the facts!"........is the line Sgt. Joe Friday is quoted as using on Dragnet. That could be an another accurate title for this month's blog.

When looking at any particular issue in our lives, we tend to somewhat unconsciously make judgments about those issues. For example if you get a raise at work you may unconsciously say, "I got a raise at work (comma) and that is a good thing." You may start to think about what you will do with the money and what you want to buy with it. This may make you feel happy!

On the other hand, if you get a flat tire, you may unconsciously say, "I got a flat tire, (comma) and that is a bad thing." You may start to get anxious about how you will change the tire or angry and tell yourself stories about how unfair it is and how these things always seem to happen at the worst possible time (did I mention you were on your way to an important meeting?) Then you start to think about how upset the person you are meeting with will be when you are late and that you probably won't get the account.....etc., etc., etc.

I also call this "making up stories". I am intentionally using very obvious examples to make a point. In both cases, there was a FACT. The thoughts that create the actual feeling came after that fact. The fact was going to remain the same NO MATTER what you choose to tell yourself about it or how you chose to feel about it. It is important to recognize that it is a choice AND separate from the actual fact!

Most people probably would agree in both cases that the raise is "good" and the flat tire is "bad". I am simply suggesting that it is not necessary to judge and label everything in our lives on a constant basis....especially when what we are telling ourselves is making us feel a way that we do not want to feel. Simply choosing NOT to make up any stories about the flat tire allows you to deal with changing it more efficiently. You don't first have to deal with all the negative emotions on top of having to still change the tire!

Let me give you another example.... Living in an area where it frequently snows.....we have had to learn to deal with shoveling and driving in the snow [and this was especially challenging when coming from a warm climate where it doesn't snow.......or am I just making up a story? ;) ] When a snow storm is coming, we may be tempted to say, "It's going to snow, (comma) and that is a very bad thing!" My boys, on the other hand, who love playing in the snow might say, "It's going to snow, (comma) and that is a very good thing!" The facts of the matter remain the same - it is going to snow. Inserting the comma and any judgment after that is purely choice....as is the resulting feeling about the snow.

We all do this every day in many little ways.....and it does become more challenging to recognize we are doing this when the things we are judging are not so obvious. Try to be aware of what you are telling yourself at least some the time. This goes back to what I wrote about last month...... recognizing that tape or CD that constantly plays in our head ....and learning to pause it long enough to recognize that you are making a judgment. [**It has been brought to my attention, that if I really want to be up to date, I need to further update my analogy! I now need to call it an I-pod!] This month we are not only talking about pausing the I-pod, CD or tape but then becoming aware of the content!

Here are some very simple exercises I would like to suggest for this month…

• When you are able to pause the "I-pod" in your head.....try to notice if you are making some sort of judgment......if you can, think about how that thought might be making you feel. Some good times to try this might be when you are waiting in a long line, stuck in traffic or notice that it is raining (or snowing!) You may even want to try it if you receive some good news.
• Another more challenging time to try it is if someone is saying something that you don't agree with. What are you telling yourself about what they are saying? Or what are you telling yourself about the person? Initially, it might be better to try this when you are watching TV, listening to the news or talk radio....when the person is not right in front of you.....again just to keep it simple at first!
• Another exercise would be to think to yourself as you slowly read the following list of words....what feelings the word generates...then try to pause the I-pod and become aware of the thought that caused that feeling..... you don't have to share your results with anyone unless you want to.....so be honest with yourself.

American.....
Democrat....
Republican....
Islamic.....
Grandmother.....
Brother.....
New York City..... Key West.....
Work...... Vacation......
Labor Day….. New Year‘s Day…...
Rainy...... Windy….. Cloudy..... Snowing.... (that one is for me!!!)
Rush Hour

How about Spiders....…? Or Snakes? (I am sorry to the people who will KNOW these last 2 were especially for them!)


Remember, if you felt something when you thought of the word, then you are making up some sort of story about that particular word! The idea this month is just to notice and become aware that we doing it.


Most judgments happen so quickly that we don't even realize that we are making them....we are unaware that we are doing it. Many such judgments happen repetitively, to the point that we believe them as fact. Many are dictated to us by society, the media, the advertising business, our cultural background, our families....or any other group with which we associate ourselves…..and quite often we can find a large group of people who would agree with our version of the story.


Just like I made up driving in snow is "bad"…..it turns out..... it can actually be kind of FUN with the 4 wheel drive!!!!! So....until next month..... Just the facts, sir and ma'am!!!! Just the facts!


I would love to hear your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future. You may comment at the bottom of the blog. All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
to continue reading the next post, click the following link...
The Whole Elephant



Until next month....

Keep it Simple!
Penelope

Picture of the month
Snow, MN, March 2008