The Whole Elephant

October 2008

Quote of the Month

We are disturbed not by what happens to us,
but by our thoughts about what happens.
- Epictetus

The last of the human freedoms is

to choose one's attitude
in any given set of circumstances.- Victor Frankl

The Epcot Ball, aka Spaceship Earth, looks a little bit different from underneath than the typical postcard shot we are used to seeing, doesn't it? So why did I take this particular view? And why did I ask you to look at it in the above question of the month?

In August, we talked about becoming aware of the I-pod/CD/tape that constantly plays in our heads. In September, we talked about becoming aware of the content on the I-pod and the judgments we make about the content. This month, I want to take this idea one step further and suggest that the way you experience your world and your life is really all in how you look at things. It is in your perspective. To take that a step further, if you are not happy with an aspect of your life, you are capable of changing that perspective. The difference from last month is somewhat subtle…but what I wanted to stress last month is to become aware of the judgments we make…and this month to become aware that you have the ability to change those judgments, if you so choose.

I am, of course, not talking about lying or being dishonest with yourself. But there typically is more than one accurate way to look at things. To illustrate this…consider a story many of us have probably heard before. That of The Blind Men and the Elephant. 


The story goes, that several blind men were describing an elephant based on the part of the elephant they were able to touch. The one standing by the tail described the elephant as rope. The one by the trunk had a very different perspective and described it as a branch….the ear felt like a fan, the body like a wall…and so on…. 

Each was limited in their perception by the part of the elephant they could touch. In addition, each of them felt they were right. They began to fight and defend their perspective until a wise man passed by. He pointed out that each of them was “right” in their description, but limited. They learned that other perspectives could be just as “right” as their own. Only by being willing to listen to the other points of view and sharing their own view, could they all grasp the totality of the elephant.


So far, we have primarily talked about things like weather and traffic. It becomes an even more powerful technique when you stretch a little bit to consider situations in your life and people around you. The “elephant” in the above situation could be your boss, the kids, the political system, the election, your ex-boyfriend, any thing else in your life that is causing you stress.


If you wish to give this a try, pause the I-pod/CD/tape in your head, become aware of the content of the I-pod….. My suggestion (as always) would be to start with something small....something that doesn't really bother you too much in order to practice.

• Think about what you are telling yourself about the situation or issue.
• Notice how you label it? Good? Bad? Terrible? Horrible? Catastrophic? (this is the “story” you make up or the part that comes after the comma from last month.)
• Notice how thinking those things makes you feel.

Next…..here are some new things to consider…..

• Ask yourself, “Is this the way I want to experience my life?” (If you are happy with your experience of this situation, then try again later with a different situation. I am relatively certain that everyone can think of at least one thing to which this might apply!)
• Do I believe that changing this is within my control?
• Do I want to give up my peace of mind to external factors such as the weather, traffic, other people or external situations?
• Ask yourself if your judgment of the situation is really true and complete? Are you seeing the whole elephant?
• If you are certain that it is true, ask if it is serving you? If it is not, make a conscious effort not to put your attention on it. (More on that in a later post!)
• Ask yourself if you can change your perspective. That might mean looking at something from a different angle, broadening your view of the situation or considering someone else's perspective.…like the men and the elephant….or looking at the EPCOT ball from a different angle.

Now for some real life examples:
I’ll start with myself….. As many of you know, I used to work in the tax department of a bank. Each year, April 15 was a huge, overwhelming deadline. Supervising preparation, and making sure all the returns got either filed or extended was not always fun……..I used to feel that it wasn't possible to get all the work finished in time for the deadline…..Hhhmmm….am I making up any stories here? Do you think those judgments are making me feel particularly good? Is this the way I want to experience my life? (About now, those of you who know me may be about to say obviously not, and point out that I no longer work there…….but I did for 6 tax seasons…..so back to our story…)

I could choose to get lost in the negative feelings of being overwhelmed...but I would STILL have to make sure all the returns were accounted for. Instead, I stepped back and looked at the whole elephant....and began to view it as more of challenge than an obstacle. I became exhilarated and energized by the work and never missed a deadline in the six years I was there. Yes, I did eventually choose to leave, but the shift in perspective made the time while I was there much more palatable.

Another example:When I was a child, my grandparents had a plaque in their kitchen that had a Native American saying on it. It read, "May you never judge another person until you've walked a mile in their moccasins." This is true even when someone is short with you, rude or impatient. Generally their actions have very little to do with you and a lot more to do with what is going on in their lives. The person who wrote this realized that there is more to the elephant than just the part they could touch.

Finally, one more…..from the world of politics….I am intentionally leaving the name off as this example isn't being used to promote any particular candidate or political position….but simply asking both sides to consider other positions.

One of the candidates, said the following about gun control, “We might not agree on gun control, but we can agree that automatic weapons should not be in the hands of juvenile gang members…..”

Not just gun control, (comma) is a good thing or gun control, (comma) is a bad thing like we talked about last month. This candidate offered a third option….of keeping guns out of the hands of gang members. That's a broader perspective!

For one more photo on perspective, please take a look at the picture of the month shown below. Any idea about where this might be?  It is from the perspective of looking down from the top at a very good friend of mine!  It will tell you where in the caption. Next month, we'll talk more about the actual process of changing a thought or a judgment, but until then.... remember to check out the whole elephant or change the perspective on the EPCOT ball in your own life!

I would love to hear about the "elephants" in your life! Please submit your feedback, as well as any questions you may have, or topics you may be interested in for the future, to the blog under the comments section below. 

All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

To continue reading the next post, Meditation 2, click here.
Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!
Penelope

Photo of the month

Lighthouse at Ponce de Leon Inlet, FL, August 2003

Just the Facts.... or Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

September 2008

Quote of the month:
The only thing we are ever dealing with is a thought
and a thought can be changed.
- Louise L. Hay

"Just the facts, ma'am! Just the facts!"........is the line Sgt. Joe Friday is quoted as using on Dragnet. That could be an another accurate title for this month's blog.

When looking at any particular issue in our lives, we tend to somewhat unconsciously make judgments about those issues. For example if you get a raise at work you may unconsciously say, "I got a raise at work (comma) and that is a good thing." You may start to think about what you will do with the money and what you want to buy with it. This may make you feel happy!

On the other hand, if you get a flat tire, you may unconsciously say, "I got a flat tire, (comma) and that is a bad thing." You may start to get anxious about how you will change the tire or angry and tell yourself stories about how unfair it is and how these things always seem to happen at the worst possible time (did I mention you were on your way to an important meeting?) Then you start to think about how upset the person you are meeting with will be when you are late and that you probably won't get the account.....etc., etc., etc.

I also call this "making up stories". I am intentionally using very obvious examples to make a point. In both cases, there was a FACT. The thoughts that create the actual feeling came after that fact. The fact was going to remain the same NO MATTER what you choose to tell yourself about it or how you chose to feel about it. It is important to recognize that it is a choice AND separate from the actual fact!

Most people probably would agree in both cases that the raise is "good" and the flat tire is "bad". I am simply suggesting that it is not necessary to judge and label everything in our lives on a constant basis....especially when what we are telling ourselves is making us feel a way that we do not want to feel. Simply choosing NOT to make up any stories about the flat tire allows you to deal with changing it more efficiently. You don't first have to deal with all the negative emotions on top of having to still change the tire!

Let me give you another example.... Living in an area where it frequently snows.....we have had to learn to deal with shoveling and driving in the snow [and this was especially challenging when coming from a warm climate where it doesn't snow.......or am I just making up a story? ;) ] When a snow storm is coming, we may be tempted to say, "It's going to snow, (comma) and that is a very bad thing!" My boys, on the other hand, who love playing in the snow might say, "It's going to snow, (comma) and that is a very good thing!" The facts of the matter remain the same - it is going to snow. Inserting the comma and any judgment after that is purely choice....as is the resulting feeling about the snow.

We all do this every day in many little ways.....and it does become more challenging to recognize we are doing this when the things we are judging are not so obvious. Try to be aware of what you are telling yourself at least some the time. This goes back to what I wrote about last month...... recognizing that tape or CD that constantly plays in our head ....and learning to pause it long enough to recognize that you are making a judgment. [**It has been brought to my attention, that if I really want to be up to date, I need to further update my analogy! I now need to call it an I-pod!] This month we are not only talking about pausing the I-pod, CD or tape but then becoming aware of the content!

Here are some very simple exercises I would like to suggest for this month…

• When you are able to pause the "I-pod" in your head.....try to notice if you are making some sort of judgment......if you can, think about how that thought might be making you feel. Some good times to try this might be when you are waiting in a long line, stuck in traffic or notice that it is raining (or snowing!) You may even want to try it if you receive some good news.
• Another more challenging time to try it is if someone is saying something that you don't agree with. What are you telling yourself about what they are saying? Or what are you telling yourself about the person? Initially, it might be better to try this when you are watching TV, listening to the news or talk radio....when the person is not right in front of you.....again just to keep it simple at first!
• Another exercise would be to think to yourself as you slowly read the following list of words....what feelings the word generates...then try to pause the I-pod and become aware of the thought that caused that feeling..... you don't have to share your results with anyone unless you want to.....so be honest with yourself.

American.....
Democrat....
Republican....
Islamic.....
Grandmother.....
Brother.....
New York City..... Key West.....
Work...... Vacation......
Labor Day….. New Year‘s Day…...
Rainy...... Windy….. Cloudy..... Snowing.... (that one is for me!!!)
Rush Hour

How about Spiders....…? Or Snakes? (I am sorry to the people who will KNOW these last 2 were especially for them!)


Remember, if you felt something when you thought of the word, then you are making up some sort of story about that particular word! The idea this month is just to notice and become aware that we doing it.


Most judgments happen so quickly that we don't even realize that we are making them....we are unaware that we are doing it. Many such judgments happen repetitively, to the point that we believe them as fact. Many are dictated to us by society, the media, the advertising business, our cultural background, our families....or any other group with which we associate ourselves…..and quite often we can find a large group of people who would agree with our version of the story.


Just like I made up driving in snow is "bad"…..it turns out..... it can actually be kind of FUN with the 4 wheel drive!!!!! So....until next month..... Just the facts, sir and ma'am!!!! Just the facts!


I would love to hear your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future. You may comment at the bottom of the blog. All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
to continue reading the next post, click the following link...
The Whole Elephant



Until next month....

Keep it Simple!
Penelope

Picture of the month
Snow, MN, March 2008