Just for this Moment

Sunset, Key West, August 2003

Quote of the month:

Breathe, 

breathe in the air.

- Pink Floyd

This is a "re-run" from April 2009.... enjoy!


I have an idea.... just for one moment.... STOP, pause your mental I-pod, tape or CD (whatever works for you!) .... don't even worry about what it is saying right now. Take one, full, deep, breath.... do it one more time with your eyes closed.... Be here right now..... with me!

Now, relax your shoulders, especially if you are sitting at a computer we often sit with them tensed... push them down and lengthen your neck. Next, soften your eyes a bit. Are you scrunching your face up somewhere? Maybe your forehead? Relax it a bit. Is your jaw clenched? Open it slightly.

Right now, in this moment, what do you really HAVE to do? You HAVE to breathe and your heart HAS to beat. You body and brain take care of both of those, along with a host of other things you don't have to think about, so don't worry too much about them for this moment.

Is there anything else you HAVE to do right at this exact moment? OK, you are reading... possibly sitting. Your hand may be sitting on the mouse or keyboard... or holding a page of paper, depending on how you reading this post.

You have allowed yourself 2-3 minutes to read this post. Attempt for those 2 or 3 minutes not to rush through this... [I'll make it a short one, I promise!] Try to be present in your chair, reading these words.

Is there REALLY anything else you HAVE to do right NOW?

In a while, you will HAVE to eat some food, drink some water, use the rest room..... and later sleep. Your body will let you know when each of those things is necessary... so don't worry about them for this moment either.

Take notice of what is going on around you......

Observe the area where you are sitting. Do you have pictures of your family or friends? Observe the desk or chair where you are sitting. Do you have a calendar with interesting pictures on it? A window with a view of water or trees? How often do you notice each of these things?

Do you hear anything? Music? TV? People talking? A fan, heater or air conditioner running? A dog barking? Children playing.... or in my case fighting? Even if it is loud or there are other people around, just take notice of them for a moment. Try not to judge any of it.

Do you smell anything? Is something cooking? Does the dog need a bath? ; )

What can you feel? Can you feel the chair beneath you? Are your feet on the floor? Can you feel the keys or mouse under your fingers? Have you ever noticed that before?

In this particular moment, this is really all there is "to-do"......

Later, you may have a phone call to make, work you brought home, clothes to fold, e-mail to go through, bills to pay, dinner to make, a tax return to finish .... or a dozen or 2 other things on the to-do list, but if you have decided to continue reading this far, congratulate yourself on putting them aside and taking 2-3 minutes for yourself .... and guess what else....... doing a mini-meditation!

Notice how you are feeling.... do you feel a little bit more relaxed? Were you able to pause the mental I-pod momentarily? If you feel a bit more relaxed or enjoyed reading these few paragraphs, this post will remain here, so you can come back any time you like..... and we can do it again! Simply look in the navigation box on the top of the right column for the post, "Just for this Moment!" and take another moment for yourself!


Penelope

That's What Change Feels Like

Changing Leaves, MN, September 30, 2010

Quote of the Month:

That's how it's supposed to feel!

That's what change feels like!

-Marilee, Boot Camp

The leaves changed again in Minnesota....  that always seems to make me feel like writing about change!  Truth is, they changed, fell to the ground, froze, were snowed on.... snowed on some more..... and yes.... months later, I still have a hard time writing about change.    This post has not been easy for me to write, but I won't post anything that I do not feel is Truth for me.... and truth be told.... change can be challenging... but I will attempt to put my "simple" spin on it!  


My boot camp instructor recently uttered some of the most profound words I had ever heard, "That's what change feels like" ....a post was born! No, I didn't join the army! Boot camp is a class at my local gym and true to its name, is quite challenging!!!!

I wrote about my own methods of change during Year 1 of this blog. Posts such as December 2008, Change is in the Air and January 2009, True Colors are some examples. Something I did not previously cover is that most of the time, in order to make changes in our lives, we may have some discomfort.

We WANT to lose weight, we WANT a new job, we WANT to get in shape, we WANT to get our finances in order, we WANT to ______________ (fill in the blank with your own "WANT to!") We have lots of "WANT to's" but very often do not follow through on getting what it is we say that we want. Why is that? I believe that one reason is we humans, by nature, tend to avoid discomfort.

We are a society that wants things fast and easy. I remember a time when I did not own a microwave. I also remember when there were no drive throughs at restaurants, banks, the pharmacy and dry cleaners. Maybe even I've come to enjoy these conveniences over the years...... but today things have become SO instant that one does not even have to get in the car to go to the drive through at the bank any more. Most everything can be done right on line.  Even shopping can be done on line, as well as your taxes, and registering for a class. All things we used to have to GO somewhere to do.

In "the old days," if I wanted to have my own copy of a song that I enjoyed and wanted to listen to, I actually used to have to get in the car, drive to a store, buy the record, (ok...showing my age here!) drive home, put it on the record player....  and THEN I could listen to it whenever I wanted to.  With the advent of tapes and CD's, I could at least, listen in the car on the way home. 


 TODAY, one can decide to buy, download, listen to and become tired of a song all in less time than the original drive to the store.... and all from the convenience of one's own computer, cell phone, I-pod, etc....  anywhere one can connect to the Internet.  It does make one stop and question, if we spent a little more time on our purchases, would buy quite as many things?  (But I suppose that is another post for another day.)  The point here, is that we like things to be quick and easy, myself included. This whole blog is about even making Spirituality easy.

The truth is, some changes take a bit more effort.  Most of us do not WANT to be uncomfortable.  I want to suggest that a bit of discomfort may not be the worst thing in the world and that the pay off is great!  


So maybe the key is....
to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.


There are at least two major types of change and the ensuing discomfort.  There is the type of change that comes at you from the outside.  The type that you do not choose.... I call it the "rug pulled out from under you" change.  Your spouse wants a divorce, you suddenly have to move out of your apartment, Hurricane Katrina hits or a life threatening illness.  While I believe on some level this applies to these types of changes, that is not specifically the type of change this post is addressing.  


Then there are those changes that come from the inside.  The changes you choose to make, want to make or maybe have been trying to make for years.....  possibly even the New Year's Resolutions you made on January 1st this year.  This blog never tells you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do.... but if there are some changes you want to make, but have had difficulty making, then keep reading....


So.... how do we become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

My first suggestion is to acknowledge that you are uncomfortable.  Just let yourself BE uncomfortable. 


Next, do not add anything else to that such as "Uncomfortable is 'bad.'" or "Uncomfortable is 'not fun.' "  This is just a thought.  When you attach the thought to the uncomfortable-ness, soon after (so soon you won't even realize it as a separate event) it will create a feeling.  Generally after the feeling will come some sort of behavior to avoid that feeling. (For additional reading on "un-velcroing" the thought and the feeling, see the post titled, I got a Worm for my Birthday.) 


I learned from a friend of mine to understand that being uncomfortable does not cause us any harm.  Also, not to attach any extra thoughts or feelings to it, it is not depression, not even sadness, it is not anxiety....  Just to "sit with it" and allow ourselves to feel it.  Next - ask yourself if you can manage what you feeling right NOW.  Not 30 seconds from now .....  or 5 minutes from NOW, but RIGHT NOW.  Staying in the NOW is an important part.  Unless there is a lion in front of you right now, it is almost always a future event we fear not being able to handle.    


Another reminder - according to Jill Bolte Taylor, in My Stroke of Insight, it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion/feeling to physically move through your body.  It is like a wave, with a beginning, a crest and an end.  Initially, it washes over you, the way a wave does, but it also then recedes, which leads to my next suggestion.


TRUST!  Trust that this is a temporary state and it will not last forever.  We humans tend to have a fear of the unknown.  Things like how will this turn out?  How long will this last?  What will happen 5 minutes from now?  What will it feel like if I don't spend this money?  eat these chips?  Or what will a new job be like?  A little secret.... there is an awful lot each of us does not know.  If we accept that, then it is much easier to be with the discomfort or the fear of the unknown.  It is simply NOT knowing!!!!!!  That's it!  It is OK not to know exactly what will happen, especially in a situation like this.  Trust that the uncomfortable feeling will not last forever and Trust that you can handle it. 


If you have made it through all of these steps... my guess is that the uncomfortable-ness is starting to pass.....?  Is it?  As always, my suggestion is to try this out with something small - something that is not your biggest challenge.  This allows you to develop some spiritual muscle, much like the physical muscle from boot camp!


So..... back to boot camp.... in this particular day in class, we spent extra time on the mat on the floor. We were doing what felt like about the 1000th leg lift and the outside of my right hip and thigh were trembling as I struggled to lift it for number 1001 (OK, maybe I am exaggerating a little tiny bit!) As Marilee walked around the room and lovingly encouraged us with "10 more!" She must have noticed that we were all in a bit of pain.... which is when she announced those profound words....

That's how it's supposed to feel!

That's what change feels like!

She later followed up with, "This is when you are doing the most good and making the most change!"  (Did I mention I recently found out that she is 62!?!?!?  AND given how long it took me to complete this post, she is probably 63 by now!  She does most of the exercises with us!!!  She is incredible!)

I want to clarify here - this is not about overdoing a workout or pushing ourselves too hard that we get hurt.  I want to introduce the concept of "pushing ones edge." This is a concept from Yoga. In order to push ones edge, one must know where their edge is. This involves being present in your body and listening to what your body is telling you - sometimes moment by moment.  This is especially true for physical activities. When one is doing a triangle pose in Yoga, for example, one must know how far to reach and when to stop. When the edge is reached, this concept suggests that one simply and gently push that edge. Push to do just a little bit more. Yes, it may be uncomfortable - it should NOT hurt.

This concept can be applied more broadly to nearly every aspect of our lives. For example, if one "WANTS to" get a new job, one must first make sure their skills are up to date, then have a resume prepared along with letters of recommendation, etc. This involves getting out of one's daily comfort zone and doing something differently than they have in the past, which may involve being somewhat uncomfortable for a while AND THAT IS OK!  It is do-able!  In fact, it may be a very "GOOD" thing and maybe even more "simple" than you thought it might be!

My challenge to each of you this month is to try being comfortable with being "uncomfortable" once in a while in safe ways.  Push your edge just a bit and see what happens.  See if it pays off in the long run. As always, I would love to hear about it in the comments section below.  What works for you?  How do you deal with change?  Did any of the above resonate with you in your own process?

Until next month....
Keep it simple,
Penelope

The Gift of Compassion

Quote of the month:

Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment 
of emotional maturity. 
It is through compassion that a person achieves 
the highest peak and deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment.

- Arthur Jersild

It's that time of year again... the stores are busy.... everyone seems to be buying. 'Tis the season for gift-giving.  This year, in addition to the gifts we buy and wrap, I'd like to suggest some other simple gifts that do not require a box or paper.  Before anyone calls me Scrooge, I am not anti-gift-in-a-box...  my simple suggestion this month is to consider that there may be some other alternatives to store bought gifts for the holidays.  Some of the "gifts" we can offer to others include...  love, encouragement, joy and the gift of your time. 

The "gift" I want to focus on this month, is compassion.  The quote above suggests that compassion is the peak of emotional maturity and of self-fulfillment.  I won't suggest that it is always easy.... but the reward can be great. 

This also overlaps with two of The Four Agreements  - Agreement #2 - Don't take anything personally and agreement #3 - Don't make assumptions.

How does this look in real life?  Say you are in line at the check out in the store.  The clerk barely acknowledges you and only spouts the price when she is finished, tosses you the receipt and moves on to the next customer without so much as a thank you or a good bye. 


The typical person might first, make the assumption that they had done something that upset the clerk and then secondly, take that personally and think something like she did not like them.  They might think they had done something to anger her.... or for some reason, she decided to be mean to them.  Following Agreement #3.... we are told not to make these type of assumptions and then following Agreement #2.... we are told to not take any of it personally.  How can that be possible you say... it is directed at me... how can it not be personal?!  Would you be rude back?  Would you grab the receipt without a thank you?  Would you stomp off without any niceties? 

What if I then told you that the woman's husband just walked out on her and left her with 3 little kids to raise on her own.  Only the week before, she found out that she had developed a life threatening disease.  Would you feel a little bit differently?  Would you consider how someone going through all that might feel and that they might not be in the best mood? 

If so, you may be feeling compassion for her..... the dictionary defines it as..... a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

In real life terms... it simply means that you understand how she might feel.  What if, instead, you dug down deep, put your own hurt feelings aside and smiled at her and said, "Thank you!"  It doesn't cost you anything.  It doesn't hurt you in any way.... what if you are the only person who was nice to her that day... maybe partly her own doing.... but even so.... one smile, one nice person may make a difference to her.   AND it just might even make you feel GOOD!  

Compassion involves a 2-step process of sorts.  The first step is to step OUT of your own feeling about the situation.  The second step is to step IN to what the other person may be experiencing or feeling.  I'll briefly caution not to get lost IN their feeling but allow yourself to objectively understand or appreciate what the other person might be experiencing.  Ask yourself how you might feel in that situation.  How would you wish for someone to react to you or treat you in that situation?  

Very often we do not know the "back story" of the other person.  I will go so far as to say nearly ANYONE who is behaving "badly" (I'll define "badly" rather loosely here) is in some way feeling badly about themselves, feeling down or upset about something.  This includes your parents, your kids and especially your significant other!!!!!!!!!!!  How about giving the gift of compassion this year to those people who you are closest to?  You can get them a wrapped gift in a box too if you like.... but try experimenting with compassion now and then.... see how it works!  Maybe you will get a gift back as well! 

One last suggestion.... make sure to include yourself on the list of people to give compassion to!

I'll leave you with one last list of things that either don't need much money or don't have to go in a box.... this list is borrowed, with permission from Zen Habits...

• Do other things with family, such as caroling, baking, watching It’s a Wonderful Life, playing football outside. 
• Volunteer as a family at a homeless shelter.
• Ask people to donate to your favorite charity in lieu of gifts.
• Make meaningful gifts.
• Do a gift swap where you put a valued possession (that you already own) into the swap.
• Bake gifts.
• Have an experience instead of giving material goods: do something fun together, go to the beach or a lake.

As always, I'd love to hear your comments or questions.  You can comment or ask a question by clicking on the "comment" button below.

Have a happy holiday... and until next month.....

Keep it simple!

Penelope

What are you Grateful for?

To post to our Community Gratitude List..... 
scroll down to the end of this post and 
look for the comments section. 
Thank you!


Photo of the month:

Malibu, May 2010

Quote of the month:

Both abundance and lack exist 

simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. 

It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... 

When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives 

but are grateful for the abundance that's present

/love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature 

and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure/ 

the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience 
Heaven on earth.

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

What Are You Grateful For?
It seems to feel like we are skipping over Thanksgiving a bit and rushing on to Christmas.  I hear it said every year... that the holidays seem to start earlier and earlier each year.  I saw holiday things out at Target even before Halloween.  I have no judgement about it being either a "good" thing or a "bad" thing.  I do, however, not want to miss the opportunity to focus on gratitude.

This year, I am going to devote an entire month to just that.  Since November is Thanksgiving, it seems the perfect time to also highlight gratitude. Gratitude is a powerful catalysts to a joyful life! It is important to take the time to reflect on the wonderful things that are present in your life.


I invite you to pause for a moment...yes, right now and just think about something you are grateful for. Go ahead, take a moment.... I'll wait.  If things are going well for you right now, this will be simple.  If you feel life has been a bit challenging lately, it may be a bit more challenging to think of something, but even so, there are still many things to be grateful for.  In fact, placing your attention on those things may help to lighten the load you may feel in other areas of your life as the quote above seems to imply.


For some examples - is the sun out where you are? Did someone hold a door for you today?  Was the clerk at the store polite to you?  Are you breathing?  Do you have clothing to keep you warm?  Enough food to eat?  Have you ever really noticed the abundance and variety of foods that are available to us in the grocery store?  Take a moment in the produce department next trip to the store and just observe what is there.  It is truly amazing!  For my Floridian readers, if this happens to be in a Publix Supermarket, you can be doubly grateful!  (No they don't pay me to say that!)


Do you have your one thing you are grateful for?  Concentrate on it for just a moment.


Notice how you feel when you focus on something you are grateful for. Bring your attention to your heart and recognize the feeling of love and joy that fills your heart. Doesn't it feel GREAT! Savor that feeling and know that you have the ability to take yourself there any time you choose!


In the evenings I often have my boys list three things they are grateful for from that day. I encourage them to be specific about something that happened recently. I wanted to take a minute to list a few specific things that I am grateful for and then invite you to do the same.


Last year, this idea evolved into a Community Gratitude list on the blog.  What I've done this year is pull that post forward, edit it a bit... and will make the same suggestion as last year, to take a minute and add to the list.  All you have to do is click the comments button below.  You may add to the list with or without using your name.  It is simple!  You can also choose to have follow up comments e-mailed to you, which in this case I would suggest.  I believe it can be cumulative, somewhat synergistic, and we can all benefit from the comments and gratitude of others.  For those of you who posted last year, it  may be interesting to go back and look at the list, possibly add a few new things this year.


I'd like all of us to experience what gratitude can do in your life! Also, how placing your awareness on gratitude increases it and just how good it can make you feel!


The photo of the month is from a hike in a canyon during a trip I took earlier this year to Malibu, CA.  A trip I am very grateful to have experienced... where I experienced new places and things, ate healthy food, visited with a lifelong friend.. and made new friends!  


Thank you to all of you for your continued support of my blogging endeavor! For that I am also supremely grateful!


To read last month's post on your True Colors.... click here.


Until next month,
Keep it simple!
Penelope

True Colors

Fall True Colors, Minnesota, October 2010

Quote of the month:

I see your true colors... shining through……

so don't be afraid, to let them show,

your true colors... are beautiful,

like a rainbow.

-Cyndi Lauper

This was originally posted in January of 2009, but I have referred to it several time recently, so it seems appropriate to revisit it again this month.   

The True Colors of fall are shining through in the photo above!  This month, we will talk about allowing your own true colors to shine through as well. In  December of 2008, we talked about making a list of characteristics, successes or accomplishments, then sitting with that for a while to get a feeling around it, then trying to put that feeling into your own words.  I call this your True Colors Phrase.  You may have several true colors phrases, one for each particular area of your life that you wish to experience differently.  To keep it simple, I suggest working on one at a time.  It is also generally easier to begin with an area of your life that is not your biggest challenge.  

Here are some more suggestions for coming up with a true colors phrase.

It must be TRUE! You may say that a true colors phrase sounds similar to coming up with a mantra or affirmation. Mantras are fine too, if they work for you, but there are several ways that this is different from a mantra. Often, a mantra is not a true statement, but rather the way you want something to be. Repeating over and over that the sky is green will not make it so. In our example from December 2008, about a new endeavor, the subconscious is still there telling you what it really thinks. You are trying to say, I can do it....whatever "it" is ....and the mind or subconscious is there in the background calling you a liar! You will hear underneath your voice, your subconscious saying, "No you can't!!!" This is what you will really hear and really feel on an emotional level. Last month the suggestion was to make a list of REAL positive situations where you have been successful. It is real information that the subconscious cannot argue with.

The true colors phrase should be short and concise. Try to boil it down to a few words. Something that you can easily remember and repeat when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts.

Another difference is that a true colors phrase is designed to bring up a specific feeling. It will bring up the FEELING of the successes or accomplishments over again and the subconscious will be better able to believe it. It is important to note here, that you may not get to the feeling part immediately. Feelings actually start as a thought in your head. We don't realize this, as it becomes automatic, but if you can slow the process down you see that the thought comes first, which then creates the feeling.

Some of you have told me either that the true colors phase does not bring up a good feeling or that your mind is still in there telling you that you are a "liar" even on the real accomplishments. This is where the use of your will comes in. Facts are facts. The mind cannot argue with facts. If this is the case, start with reminding yourself each time the mind wants to tell you that it is not enough or still not good enough... or whatever your version of this is.  (You can also re-read September's post on Your Thoughts Create Your Reality, or "just the facts" on not making judgments about each and every thought that comes through your mind.)

Then, allow yourself to own your accomplishments. It may take some time and repetition, but over time, you will re-train your mind. You can think of it almost like reprogramming a computer....except that we are not machines and require multiple efforts to "reprogram."

Gary Zukav says the longest distance you will ever travel is from your head to your heart! Getting a thought from your head to a feeling in your heart may take time. Your "heart" (the feeling) has been listening to that other criticizing part for so long that says it's not enough...so that is what your heart may currently be "believing" (in the form of a feeling also.) Repetition is key for this also!

Probably by this time, if you have been following along every month, it is becoming apparent, that when you become aware of your I-pod/tape chatter saying something negative .....it then becomes a matter of repeatedly replacing the old thought with the new thought...the true colors phrase. To continue the I-pod/tape metaphor….it is like going back and recording a new song on the tape or synching your I-pod with a new play list. In both cases, you are replacing the old information with new. As mentioned above, we are not computers or machines and it generally cannot be accomplished with just one time….but each time you become aware, challenge the thought and replace it with a new one, the new thought becomes stronger, especially when that thought is tied to a positive feeling.

Please understand the personal power this simple technique can give you…. Even if it is something you have believed or been told your whole life. I try to keep these posts light and simple, but there are some very powerful applications for this simple technique. Think of a child that fails a test or class....and the beliefs that child could adopt as a result. Think of a person who is fired from a job and the thoughts and beliefs that could result.... or a child who has experienced abuse or has been picked on or bullied... he or she may develop certain thoughts and beliefs about themselves, or thoughts about why the abuse or bullying occurred. Very often people attribute the cause to something about themselves...a flaw of some sort....or it could lead to a powerless feeling....or any number of different feelings or coping mechanisms. Again, there may be as many different ways of coping as their are people and situations.

The simple suggestion I am making this month is that there may be other ways to look at each of those challenges.  If you find yourself saying, "But that really is a terrible thing that happened to me!" I would remind you that you may have old coping mechanisms that are no longer serving you.  I would also suggest that losing yourself in the "terrible-ness" of it will not help you find a new job, pass the next test or deal with the next bully.  (An author that may help with this process is Byron Katie and her process she calls "The Work.")

Drawing on your accomplishments, successes and achievements by using your true colors phrase may help change a long term belief system into a new way of looking at life. It may change the way you experience a challenging situation and may help you relieve some of the stress in your life.

The true colors phrase is (real, true) information in the form of a thought in your head that works its way into a feeling in your heart. Once it reaches the feeling stage, it is more likely to become your new way of viewing that particular circumstance. I personally know that this process can work and can change the way you experience your life.  It can allow your own beautiful true colors to shine through, as Fall's true colors are in the photo above.

Before you go, if you would like to hear Cindi sing the song... and those words.... to you, then scroll down to the next post and watch the video!

As always, I would love to hear your comments, questions or challenges in the comments section below.  

Until next month,
Keep it simple!
Penelope

True Colors Video

Is the Sky Blue?

Pink Flowers, Blue Sky
Key West, 2000

Quote of the month:

What people really want is to be fully themselves. 

They want the sense of aliveness.  

But they want it through this, that, or the other. 

They don't realize that nothing can give it to you 
because you already have it. 

And not only do you have it, you 

are it, you are what you're looking for already. 

You don't know that because you're always looking somewhere else. 

You can only know that in the Now by aligning yourself with the Now 

and with the power that is there within you.

- Eckhart Tolle

Is the sky blue?  

It's a simple question.... or is it?


I've been wanting to write about this for a while and it seems to have repeatedly shown up lately, so it seems like an appropriate time.  Here is what it looks like when it plays out in life.....

John:  She said I am stupid.....

me:  Did she really say that?

John:  Well, she implied it.

me:  Ok - well tell me this - are you stupid?

John:  OF COURSE NOT!
me:  If you believe that, why would it bother you if she said or implied that you were? Do you really believe that you are not stupid?

John:  Of course - it just burns me up that she thinks I am.

me:  But you KNOW that you aren't....?

John:  BUT she thinks I am!!!!!!!!!

John missed the point.  I can't blame him, I missed the same point for a long time.  I will attempt to share it here with you as it has brought me a lot of peace in my life.

Here is the key -  Whatever you are looking for someone else to give to you (in this case - not feeling stupid) is what I am suggesting you should give to yourself.  In fact, I would go so far as to suggest you already are it as the Tolle quote says above, but one step at a time.... that may be another post for another day!

We all like to hear compliments and good things - but I'll let you in on a little secret, we don't NEED to hear them when we believe it ourselves.  It is only when we do not believe it - inside ourselves - that we crave hearing it from outside ourselves. 

So, I'll pose to you, the next step in my conversation with my friend above.  What color is the sky?  Take a look at the photo above.  Most people would agree that the "normal" color of the sky is blue.  (I know there are all kinds of arguments to be made here theories about why the sky only appears blue.... it is gray on cloudy days.... white on snowy days.... black at night..... red and orange at sunset.... and can even turn green when bad weather approaches, but humor me please and play along for a moment.)  

So - the sky is blue.  You have a KNOWING about this.  No one can tell you that the sky isn't blue.  Right?  

So, now, I am going to tell you that, "The sky is purple."  What would you do?  You would say, "No, it's not, the sky is blue."  I am then going to protest - "No - it's purple.... PURPLE.... PURPLE!!!!!!"  Then what would you do?

My guess is that your response would be along the lines of, "Ok - whatever!" and you would then assume that I am crazy!!!!!!  Whatever your response, you would NOT change your opinion to the sky is purple!  Remember, you have a KNOWING that it is blue.... just as it is in the photograph above!

Going back to my friend above, if he had a KNOWING that he wasn't stupid, if someone made an implication that he was... he would say, "Ok, whatever!" assume they were wrong and go on his way.

This could show up in numerous ways in every day life!  How many of these do you recognize in people around you or even in yourself?

This could be....

the person who seems to need compliments from those around them...

the person who needs to know that they are the most important person to someone....

the person who needs to have a shiny car to feel they are special....

the person who needs to have a significant other in their life to feel that they are worthy....

the person who likes to be surrounded by "things" to feel validated....

the person who needs validation from those outside themselves to feel that they exist.....

the person that needs to buy the newest fashion each season....
the person who wants to be the center of attention....

These are a few examples.  The list is really endless.  Gary Zukav  calls this external power.... that is looking outside oneself and attempting to manipulate and control the world in a way that makes them feel a certain way.   

I will use myself as an example.  When I started writing this blog (2 years ago!!!!)  I wanted everyone to say it was wonderful!  I wanted to hear from everyone who read it.  Of course this is not even realistic! The first month or two, I did NOT have a knowing about it.  I wanted it to come in from the outside.  Know what happened?  I got a little bit upset in the beginning because everyone did not say it was wonderful.... and I did not hear from everyone who read it.  [I was making assumptions and taking them personally!  Another post for another day... inspired by The Four Agreements!]

I was very fortunate because very early on I realized I was doing this (looking outside.)  This is the good news because when you become aware of something like that, you can then set about changing it.  I only write what I have a Knowing about.  Sometimes it comes to me at 3 AM and I feel like I have to write.... other times it comes after a meditation and still other times after a conversation with someone that triggers an entire post (or in this case conversations with at least 4 people!!!!)  Since I only write from that place inside of me - today, I know that what I write is Truth for me.  I now know the sky is blue!  I do not ask it to be Truth for someone else.  If it resonates with someone else - all the better!  

In all of our lives there are those things that we have a Knowing about and those times when we might wonder if the sky really is purple.  The nature of each of those will vary for each of us, depending on our background and life experiences.  The simple suggestion that I will make this month is that if you find yourself looking outside yourself for validation, for meaning or even for love.... take a moment to reflect on a time when you felt confident, knew you were loved or even better, a time when you truly loved someone else.  Remember how that felt.  Use that as a reference point to help you remember that the sky is Blue!  

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, questions or ideas!  

To read last month's post on 5 things I've learned from writing this blog.... or to try the Stillness Exercise..... click here!

Until next month,

Keep it simple!
Penelope

Photos of the Month

Happy first day of Fall... AND full moon......

Full Moon Over Pacific Ocean

May 2010

Full Moon Over Atlantic Ocean

July 2010