Change is in the Air

Quote of the month:

You are today
where your thoughts have brought you;
you will be tomorrow
where your thoughts take you.
- James Allen

**Please note: this post is out of order. 🤷‍♀️

It it originally from fall of 2008.

Change is in the air….
Change is certainly in the air here in Minnesota. It was 74* one day…then just a few days later, the wind chills were at zero and the flurries were flying! Much of the country either is or already has experienced fall. The changing leaves are a good analogy for emotional changes in our lives..... Looking at what does and does not work for us…and allowing those things that are not serving us to change or to fall away….just as the leaves do.

For the last couple of months we have been talking about becoming aware and identifying those areas of your life that are causing you stress and that you wish to experience differently. Some changes are simple….you acquire new information, integrate it into your understanding…and move on. For example, before a child learns addition, they may say 2+2=22 or 2+2=fish for that matter (my boys went through a time when they thought this was hysterical!) At some point a teacher shows the child 2 pieces of candy, adds 2 more to them. The child counts them and learns that 2+2=4!

Sometimes the changes come simply like the child learning mathematics. It is like you are hearing things you always knew, but had forgotten for a while. When you hear them, they resonate as truth. That information is easy to integrate and implement. The child has little or no fear, identification or emotional attachment to 2+2=22, so it is relatively simple to integrate that information. Change is more challenging when you do have some sort of fear, identification or attachment to what it is that you are trying to change. We discussed identification in more detail in November‘s post. As always, on this blog, my intention will be to keep my suggestions “simple,” understandable and do-able.

It is important to understand that the only person you can really effect lasting change on, is yourself. You might be able to change a situation, or may be able convince someone that they need to change for a while….but in the end, the only person you have any real control over is yourself. That really is the good news as it opens up a world of possibilities to you about how you experience your life!

You know I like to keep it “simple,” so for an example, I am going to use concerns over writing a blog. The same process can be applied to just about any situation that is causing you stress, such as beginning any other new endeavor, changing jobs, dealing with a difficult co-worker or family member, managing your finances, or preparing for the holidays.

The first thing I would suggest is to pause your mental “I-pod/tape” and see what is going on in your head about the situation. What are you telling yourself about the new endeavor? Sometimes these types of things are more difficult to hear. They happen so rapidly and so automatically that it is challenging to slow down to a point that it is discernible. [This is another example of how meditation and awareness can help.]

I use a method that I call
The Why? Process….

• Start asking yourself why? In the example: Why am I hesitant to start a blog? Are you saying things like, “I can’t learn something new,” or “I’m not up to date on technology," or "I am not a good writer.”

• It is useful to be as specific as possible. Ask why? a number of times. It helps to clarify what is really going on. If you say you don't like new things….ask why again? Try to clarify further. Is it because it is unknown? Or is it because it is tiring to learn something new? Or some other reason. The question is….. why is it that way FOR YOU vs. why it might be that way for me. Nearly everyone would agree that new things may be scary and may create stress in your life, but the reasons why it would be considered stressful, would be as numerous as there are people! Continuing the example of the blog, some may think they are not up to date on technology, others may think they don’t have anything to say, or that they are not good with grammar. Other reasons might be that no one will read it, no one cares what they think or that they are not smart enough.

• Continue until you seem to be saying the same answer to each why? Let’s say you get to a point where you say, you are afraid you won’t be successful at the new endeavor and that seems to be a recurring answer.

• The next step is to make a list of all the times your life that you have been successful. (After your why process, you may have a different word (fear) such as smart or won't be liked, or something similar. I use successful as it is a common theme and one that can be adapted to a variety of situations.) I like a written list so you can go back to it. List as many as possible. Have you completed high school or college? Have you moved? Changed jobs? Had sports accomplishments? Other accomplishments or awards at work, school or maybe in a club or an organization? Other personal achievements?… brag on yourself until you can’t think of anything more. No one is listening but you! Everyone has at least a few things that can put on this list. Graduating high school, raising a child, taking a new job, dealing with a challenging situation like an illness or death of a loved one, or other loss such as a divorce, going through a hurricane or other natural disaster, learning something new, such as karate, a new language or playing the trombone. I suspect that once you get started, you may be surprised at how many successful accomplishments you will have on your list.

• Is there one on the list that is similar to the new challenge you are facing now? Is there one that you found particularly challenging...but had success at it anyway? Is there one thing that you feel particular proud of? Is there one that beforehand felt impossible or that you were concerned about your ability to handle it....but did it anyway? Put that into your words!

The bottom line....
Try to remember either one thing that stands out or a generalized feeling from the cumulative effect of all the things on your list.....sit with that feeling for a little while and focus your attention on the positive situations where you have been successful.

Then....
Try to put into your own words what that feels like.

Those are your True Colors!

I'll stop here for now......this next part of the process will be the topic for next month’s blog. Here are some lyrics to the song True Colors,

"I see your true colors shining through....
...so don't be afraid,
to let them show,
your true colors are beautiful,
like a rainbow."

If you would like to hear Cyndi sing it to you.... click here for a link….

To continue reading the next post, click here, for True Colors.

I would love to hear your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future. You may comment at the bottom of the blog in the "comments" section. All posts will be archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!
Penelope

Picture of the month:

I can do it! Florida, July 2003

That's What Change Feels Like

Changing Leaves, MN, September 30, 2010

Quote of the Month:

That's how it's supposed to feel!

That's what change feels like!

-Marilee, Boot Camp

The leaves changed again in Minnesota....  that always seems to make me feel like writing about change!  Truth is, they changed, fell to the ground, froze, were snowed on.... snowed on some more..... and yes.... months later, I still have a hard time writing about change.    This post has not been easy for me to write, but I won't post anything that I do not feel is Truth for me.... and truth be told.... change can be challenging... but I will attempt to put my "simple" spin on it!  


My boot camp instructor recently uttered some of the most profound words I had ever heard, "That's what change feels like" ....a post was born! No, I didn't join the army! Boot camp is a class at my local gym and true to its name, is quite challenging!!!!

I wrote about my own methods of change during Year 1 of this blog. Posts such as December 2008, Change is in the Air and January 2009, True Colors are some examples. Something I did not previously cover is that most of the time, in order to make changes in our lives, we may have some discomfort.

We WANT to lose weight, we WANT a new job, we WANT to get in shape, we WANT to get our finances in order, we WANT to ______________ (fill in the blank with your own "WANT to!") We have lots of "WANT to's" but very often do not follow through on getting what it is we say that we want. Why is that? I believe that one reason is we humans, by nature, tend to avoid discomfort.

We are a society that wants things fast and easy. I remember a time when I did not own a microwave. I also remember when there were no drive throughs at restaurants, banks, the pharmacy and dry cleaners. Maybe even I've come to enjoy these conveniences over the years...... but today things have become SO instant that one does not even have to get in the car to go to the drive through at the bank any more. Most everything can be done right on line.  Even shopping can be done on line, as well as your taxes, and registering for a class. All things we used to have to GO somewhere to do.

In "the old days," if I wanted to have my own copy of a song that I enjoyed and wanted to listen to, I actually used to have to get in the car, drive to a store, buy the record, (ok...showing my age here!) drive home, put it on the record player....  and THEN I could listen to it whenever I wanted to.  With the advent of tapes and CD's, I could at least, listen in the car on the way home. 


 TODAY, one can decide to buy, download, listen to and become tired of a song all in less time than the original drive to the store.... and all from the convenience of one's own computer, cell phone, I-pod, etc....  anywhere one can connect to the Internet.  It does make one stop and question, if we spent a little more time on our purchases, would buy quite as many things?  (But I suppose that is another post for another day.)  The point here, is that we like things to be quick and easy, myself included. This whole blog is about even making Spirituality easy.

The truth is, some changes take a bit more effort.  Most of us do not WANT to be uncomfortable.  I want to suggest that a bit of discomfort may not be the worst thing in the world and that the pay off is great!  


So maybe the key is....
to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.


There are at least two major types of change and the ensuing discomfort.  There is the type of change that comes at you from the outside.  The type that you do not choose.... I call it the "rug pulled out from under you" change.  Your spouse wants a divorce, you suddenly have to move out of your apartment, Hurricane Katrina hits or a life threatening illness.  While I believe on some level this applies to these types of changes, that is not specifically the type of change this post is addressing.  


Then there are those changes that come from the inside.  The changes you choose to make, want to make or maybe have been trying to make for years.....  possibly even the New Year's Resolutions you made on January 1st this year.  This blog never tells you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do.... but if there are some changes you want to make, but have had difficulty making, then keep reading....


So.... how do we become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

My first suggestion is to acknowledge that you are uncomfortable.  Just let yourself BE uncomfortable. 


Next, do not add anything else to that such as "Uncomfortable is 'bad.'" or "Uncomfortable is 'not fun.' "  This is just a thought.  When you attach the thought to the uncomfortable-ness, soon after (so soon you won't even realize it as a separate event) it will create a feeling.  Generally after the feeling will come some sort of behavior to avoid that feeling. (For additional reading on "un-velcroing" the thought and the feeling, see the post titled, I got a Worm for my Birthday.) 


I learned from a friend of mine to understand that being uncomfortable does not cause us any harm.  Also, not to attach any extra thoughts or feelings to it, it is not depression, not even sadness, it is not anxiety....  Just to "sit with it" and allow ourselves to feel it.  Next - ask yourself if you can manage what you feeling right NOW.  Not 30 seconds from now .....  or 5 minutes from NOW, but RIGHT NOW.  Staying in the NOW is an important part.  Unless there is a lion in front of you right now, it is almost always a future event we fear not being able to handle.    


Another reminder - according to Jill Bolte Taylor, in My Stroke of Insight, it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion/feeling to physically move through your body.  It is like a wave, with a beginning, a crest and an end.  Initially, it washes over you, the way a wave does, but it also then recedes, which leads to my next suggestion.


TRUST!  Trust that this is a temporary state and it will not last forever.  We humans tend to have a fear of the unknown.  Things like how will this turn out?  How long will this last?  What will happen 5 minutes from now?  What will it feel like if I don't spend this money?  eat these chips?  Or what will a new job be like?  A little secret.... there is an awful lot each of us does not know.  If we accept that, then it is much easier to be with the discomfort or the fear of the unknown.  It is simply NOT knowing!!!!!!  That's it!  It is OK not to know exactly what will happen, especially in a situation like this.  Trust that the uncomfortable feeling will not last forever and Trust that you can handle it. 


If you have made it through all of these steps... my guess is that the uncomfortable-ness is starting to pass.....?  Is it?  As always, my suggestion is to try this out with something small - something that is not your biggest challenge.  This allows you to develop some spiritual muscle, much like the physical muscle from boot camp!


So..... back to boot camp.... in this particular day in class, we spent extra time on the mat on the floor. We were doing what felt like about the 1000th leg lift and the outside of my right hip and thigh were trembling as I struggled to lift it for number 1001 (OK, maybe I am exaggerating a little tiny bit!) As Marilee walked around the room and lovingly encouraged us with "10 more!" She must have noticed that we were all in a bit of pain.... which is when she announced those profound words....

That's how it's supposed to feel!

That's what change feels like!

She later followed up with, "This is when you are doing the most good and making the most change!"  (Did I mention I recently found out that she is 62!?!?!?  AND given how long it took me to complete this post, she is probably 63 by now!  She does most of the exercises with us!!!  She is incredible!)

I want to clarify here - this is not about overdoing a workout or pushing ourselves too hard that we get hurt.  I want to introduce the concept of "pushing ones edge." This is a concept from Yoga. In order to push ones edge, one must know where their edge is. This involves being present in your body and listening to what your body is telling you - sometimes moment by moment.  This is especially true for physical activities. When one is doing a triangle pose in Yoga, for example, one must know how far to reach and when to stop. When the edge is reached, this concept suggests that one simply and gently push that edge. Push to do just a little bit more. Yes, it may be uncomfortable - it should NOT hurt.

This concept can be applied more broadly to nearly every aspect of our lives. For example, if one "WANTS to" get a new job, one must first make sure their skills are up to date, then have a resume prepared along with letters of recommendation, etc. This involves getting out of one's daily comfort zone and doing something differently than they have in the past, which may involve being somewhat uncomfortable for a while AND THAT IS OK!  It is do-able!  In fact, it may be a very "GOOD" thing and maybe even more "simple" than you thought it might be!

My challenge to each of you this month is to try being comfortable with being "uncomfortable" once in a while in safe ways.  Push your edge just a bit and see what happens.  See if it pays off in the long run. As always, I would love to hear about it in the comments section below.  What works for you?  How do you deal with change?  Did any of the above resonate with you in your own process?

Until next month....
Keep it simple,
Penelope

Meditation 2

Quote of the month:

We can't solve problems
by using the same kind of thinking
we used when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

At the end of last month's post, I said that we would talk about how to make changes next month. Meditation, awareness or mindfulness are such an important part of making changes that it felt important to revisit it again before moving on. Meditation gives insights into change, keep one calmer during change...and provide an important perspective as changes are made.

I want to stress here again, that I am not suggesting you make any specific changes in your life, but if you have been following along each month and identified some areas of your life that are causing you stress and YOU desire to experience your life differently, than these are simply suggestions I have found to be of use.

When we were babies, we were completely caught up in the present moment. We thought we were our bodies. When we felt hunger, we would immediately cry. As a baby we "WERE" our hunger. As we get older, we realize that our hunger is a feeling and we can separate a bit from it before resorting to crying. [...though there are some adults who are still known to become quite cranky when hungry! ;) You know who you are!!!!] As a child, we learned that we could express our feeling of hunger, ask for food and resolve the feeling, hopefully, without a tantrum.

As we grew up, other things became more important to us. Perhaps getting a new bike, hitting a baseball or winning a game. At this stage, we BECAME the bike or the win. Our sense of self was caught up in identifying with the bike, the win, etc. Again, we got older, we became able to separate ourselves emotionally from whatever it was that we wanted and thought (felt) that we HAD to have.

As teens.....the list could be endless.... let's start with, we thought we were: our hair, our clothes, our friends, our car, our boyfriend or girlfriend....any of this sounding familiar to anyone? I want to make a connection to the baby crying when it is hungry and to the teen potentially acting on emotion when it comes to any of the things listed above. Maybe a teenage boy will over-react by hitting someone, if they scratch his new car. It is similar to the baby crying when he is hungry. Even though we try as parents, to teach our children to stop and think before they act, at this point, it is very difficult for a child to see beyond the car, the friends, etc. when making decisions.

Again, as we get older, wiser, more mature, we learn that we actually CAN go on if we don't get the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans or for today's crowd....the Hollister T-shirt! At this phase of life the priorities begin to shift to college, grades, maybe a career.... A few years later maybe a spouse, family, rising in your career, your house, your children, neighborhood, organizations and associations, etc....

The point is that at each phase of life there IS typically something that we identify ourselves with. Even if we are not aware of it at the time. Actually, that is the hallmark of being identified with one of these things...that you are NOT aware of it, at least until after you have moved beyond it. If the suggestion that you may currently be identified with something sounds strange to you at first, go back through the list, back to childhood, and see if you can identify some that you have moved beyond.

These types of things that we identify ourselves with are typically the things that will be most quick to upset us (like the scratch on the car), cause stress in our lives and to which we will react most quickly with emotion rather than reason.

I am not saying that having a nice car, a good job, nice clothing... are (comma) bad things, simply that if one identifies who they are with those things... then that person may often be acting from an emotional position rather than from rational thought. One has to look no further than the headlines to find ample examples. Think back to President Nixon and Watergate for an example of a politician who was very identified with his political position..and what lengths he went to, legal and illegal, to retain that identity. For an example of someone not thinking things through, and acting on emotion, look to another headline......like a politician risking his political career by soliciting a police officer in the men's room of the Minneapolis/St. Paul (MSP) airport. For a final example, remember hearing stories of little league fathers punching the umpire over a bad call. Such stories are numerous in our headlines today.

Here is where meditation comes in...
The advantage of practicing meditation, especially regularly, is that gradually a gap is established between this emotional side of oneself and your essential nature, which is calm, joyful, insightful and rational. Slowly, that gap becomes easier to see. As this happens, one can more simply exercise restraint and detachment in the decision making process and gradually be free of emotional reactions. This allows one to be more FREE to make a choice in a given situation, even if emotions are running high.

My suggestion this month to deepen your meditation or awareness is to try to pause your mental I-pod/tape more consistently during the day, if only for short periods of time. In August, I suggested picking a repetitive activity that you do several times a day and pause the mental I-pod each time you do that activity. Another suggestion would be to do that at the top of every hour. Some people who still wear watches have a watch that will beep on the hour. This could be a reminder. You really do have time to take one full breath, once each hour. If that seems too challenging, try it when you arrive at work or school and when you arrive home. Start with what feels right for you, and like in yoga, just try to do a little bit more each day.

• Try to take one full aware breath in and out each time you do this.
  
• Try for 5 times in one day and then slowly try to increase that each day.
  
• When you pause, see if you can identify any particular thoughts going through your head at the time.
  
• Attempt, just for that one breath, to allow your mind to be free of thought.

Finally, most importantly with meditation or awareness, do NOT feel that you are doing it wrong or that you can't do it. EVERYONE feels that way about meditation...at least in the beginning!!!! EVERYONE! There really is no wrong way to do it.

Two additional quick thoughts about meditation. People tell me that they don’t meditate, because they pray. The difference between prayer and meditation is that prayer is talking (or thinking) and meditation is listening. Second, a friend of mine recently likened meditation to your diet. Not so much being on a diet, but just the actual things you eat. If you eat foods that are high in fat or sugar, you will feel tired and run down. If you eat foods that nourish your body, you will feel energized. Meditation is like the diet of your mind.

I will also briefly share one of my own simply methods that I am sure is not listed in any book of "How to" meditate, but it is what works for me. When I begin, I go through a mental checklist and intentionally think about all the things that might be on my mind....my kids, what I am going to make for dinner, a phone call I need to make, etc.... Then I set those things aside. In my method, I mentally set those things outside of my "head" (or awareness) and give myself permission to spend the next 15 or 20 minutes in "my time". This is what works for me. I'd love to hear what works, or doesn't work, for you!

As always, your feedback as well as any questions you may have or topics you may be interested in for the future you may place in the comments section below. All newsletters will be posted and archived on my blog along with other useful information at:
Simply Spirituality or
http://simplyspirituality.blogspot.com/

To continue reading the next post, Change is in the Air, click here....

Until next month....
Here's hoping you keep your spirituality simple!
Penelope

Picture of the month

Floating flowers, Key West, Florida, May 2000